Read Me
by wabbit sox
Summary: Remus Lupin, psychology protégée extraordinaire, is twenty three and one of the greatest psychologists known to the UK. But when his best friend James Potter introduces Remus to the infamously incurable Sirius Black, has Remus finally met his match? Slash
1. find me

Summary: Remus Lupin, psychology protégée extraordinaire, is twenty three and one of the greatest psychologists known to the UK. But when his best friend James Potter introduces Remus to the infamously incurable Sirius Black, has Remus finally met his match?

Warnings: This is rated for slash, Sirius' filthy mouth wink, and for the horror of delving deeper into Sirius mind. Oh yes, in this story Sirius is one seriously twisted son of a bitch! So if this bothers you don't read, but of course what's a fluff story without a little bit o' humor…in my case a lot.

Disclaimer: Insert witty disclaimer here

Remus Lupin, lay sprawled over his bed snoring softly. He was curled around a long white pillow, with his golden silky waves spilling onto it. In the sunlight streaming in from the window at the top of his bed hit his golden hair, creating crimson highlights and amber low lights.

His room, was perfectly neat with a solid dark hard wood floor. His clothes were either neatly hung up in his closet for folded in the amber dresser on the wall away from his bed. His lap top was sitting on the small table in the corner. Sitting on the desk was a simple desk lamp.

His bed was a simple box spring with a mattress on top, all decked in white save for two red velvet pillows. Next to it was a small night stand with a plain white phone with a cordless phone and a cordless head set.

The only decoration in the room was a picture of him, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Lily Evans, his four best friends. The picture had been taken just last year when they went on vacation to Hawaii.

Lily had a little purple flower tucked behind her ear, and had a slight blush to her cheeks because James's arm was around her shoulders, the other one was around Remus'. People said Remus should smile more often, well this was one of the few pictures where Remus actually was smiling. Peter was making an overly serious face and flashing the camera a peace sign.

The phone started to ring loudly, interrupting the man's dreams. Remus was a light sleeper, and usually he didn't get more then five hours of sleep. His eyes fluttered open easily, revealing fully opened molten amber pools.

He reached out and lifted the phone of the receiver while rolling onto his back. "Hello, Remus Lupin of the Black Psychiatric Center speaking, how may I help you?"

"Nice speech, Rem." James snickered from the other line.

"Oh shut up, James," The blonde yawned and glanced at his clock. "It's 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning, James." He drawled, "What's this emergency?"

"No, Remus it's serious this time. Peter has an eight thirty that he can't make, do you think you can come in?"

"This is the third time this week Peter's missed an appointment!" Remus scowled. He stepped out of bed and lifted up the headset from the night table and flicked it on. He walked over to his dark brown closet doors and flicked them opened, he started browsing through a selection of slacks and dress shirts. "James you don't sound so good."

"Well I'm not! The Blacks set me up with their son!"

Remus was not easily shocked, but this rattled him. The Black Psychiatric Center was one of the most advanced psychology centers in the UK. It was run, of course, by the rich, famous, and popular family Black. The Blacks were a social bunch, very open minded and extremely liberal. They were very into peace and helping people, and very into adoption. They had now, five adopted children. Despite all of the controversy around the Black family they managed to offend no one, and own 67.2 of the UK.

Remus worked for the Black family personally, they came to him for advice and were fond of both him and James, Peter's employment at the Black Center was mostly for show.

"Oh…like Jason or Fred?" Remus asked nervously, naming the Black two youngest sons. Jason was five and Fred was a surprisingly mature and intelligent thirteen year old. The Blacks liked to send their adopted children immedietly into therapy to ensure they were as happy as possible.

Personally Remus disagreed with the Black's plan of ultra perfection therapy. They didn't mean for the therapy to uniform their children, or change them. But sadly it ended up destroying the child's world view, leaving the psychologist to entirely put it back together.

"No, Remus. I mean Sirius! They've been setting me up with him for three weeks now, every day!" James nearly yelled.

"Sirius Black!" Remus asked again. "Your great at what you do James, but why in god's name would they put that nut case with you!"

The Black's first adopted child was Sirius Black. Sirius came from Ireland, an orphanage infamous for sexual and mental abuse of children. The Blacks were immediately taken with his odd charm and charisma. Rumor has it that Sirius spent all his time sitting on the window sill, just watching. The blacks were there for an open house of sorts, and saw Sirius, just curled up on the window sill, starring at the rain.

They adopted Sirius at thirteen, knowing he was diagnosed as a 'disturbed' child. Sirius' displays of suicide and violence didn't manifest until Sirius was nineteen. That was all Remus knew about Sirius Black, save from the office word. Sirius was rumored to be incurably disturbed, he lashed out at psychologists, pretend to hear voices, he basically did everything other then try and cooperate.

"James seriously are you alright?" Remus asked worried for his friend. Sirius was not only self destructive, but he had a destructive effect on all who came in close contact with him, one of the psychologists who worked with Sirius actually committed suicide. He yanked a pair of black slacks and a white shirt out of the closet and then noticed the pants had a white large white splotch on the back. "Damn!"

"What?"

"I must have washed my pants wrong!" Remus growled, as he sifted through his slacks he noticed white blotches.

"White splotches?" '

"Yup."

"You probably added bleach." James said solemnly.

"Of course, I need them for my lighter…..Oh." Remus scowled. His tan slacks were now an unattractive grayish brown. "Great." He walked a few steps over to his dresser and opened the bottom draw, which was filled with light colored jeans. "How formal is this client?"

"Not very, You know that guy Snape?"

"Oh yeah! Peter said he had a suicide problem and self conscious issues?" Remus asked as he yanked on his jeans. He slipped a white dress shirt on. "Okay I'll see you in Hell." They'd affectionately named the Black Center Hell because of it's less then charming clients and the very odd line of work. He dropped the headset on the night stand and strode calmly out of the room.

Five minutes later Remus was in the front hall, slipping on his shoes and a yellow rain coat. He walked into the elevator hall and clicked the down button. His apartment was on the tenth floor of a stylish London Flat, just a few minutes from the Black Center.

When he got downstairs he noticed all to quickly that it was raining hard outside. Cursing Remus put up the bright yellow hood and prepared to sprint all the way to Hell.

Ten minutes later, a soaked Remus Lupin slipped in the sliding doors to an attractive granite room, with a single sleeping guard sitting by the elevator. Remus hit the elevator button and slipped inside the polished silver contraption.

The elevator led to both sections of the Center. The front wing was all libraries, computer rooms, there actually were several bedrooms here as well. The front wing was on the forward panel.

But the actual center was on the panel nearest the wall. Remus hit the star button and the elevator jerked up. The back doors opened, revealing a dark granite room, and on the far wall was a round desk that was situated between two halls. On the side of the room were couches where a patient could wait before being sent into a wing set of rooms where they'd meet their therapist.

The Black Center was very confusing, but basically a patient would come to the lobby, check in with Lily and wait out here until the appointment was confirmed or if you were a frequent patent you would be whisked to a wing. There were four wings, this room led to all four. There was the main wing, where average cases were treated, an A wing, a B wing, and then there was the C wing. The A and B wings were on either side of the back garden that was the center of the Black Center, but the C wing was for mentally unstable or dangerous patients it was also the criminal psychology wing.

So a patient waited in the main wing Lobby until Lily confirmed their appointment until they were sent to either the A or B wing. Both wings had waiting rooms that let into the separate offices.

"Morning Lily!" Remus called out.

"Remus! Oh thank god you're here! Peter can't make his eight thirty with Mr. Snape, can you take him?"

"Course, when will James be free to talk, love?"

Lily double clicked on her computer screen and scanned it quickly. "Lunch."

"Great tell him to come see my in my office."

"Sure Rem."

"So where's Snape?" Remus asked.

"Sent him to your room." Lily said quickly before picking up the phone. "Hello this is Black Psychiatric Center, Lily Evan's speaking, how may I help you?"

Remus waltzed down the left hall, stretching his arms. He was heading toward the B wing, where his office was located. He reached the door at the end of the small hall labeled B-waiting room and slipped inside. This room was outfitted with tan suede couches and comforting cream walls. Remus brushed past the waiting room and into the hall way. His office was room B-13.

He opened the wood door and peeked inside briefly before stepping in. Sitting on the lounge was Severus Snape, reading a magazine. "Morning Mr. Snape? Doing well today?"

"Not really."

_Oh joy. _Remus thought wearily. He grabbed a pen and his note book from his desk before settling into the comfortable small leather couch. "Well what seems to be the problem Mr. Snape, may I call you Severus?"

The man shrugged. "Well today it's my girlfriend."

"Can you give me some back ground?" Remus asked politely.

"We've been going out for two years, but she's starting to get distant…and I am to. I'm really not sure what to do."

Remus heard the first hint of emotion in the man's voice. "Severus, I think your asking the wrong type of doctor, have you tried a relationship therapist?"

"Yes, and they say the same old crap. Just talk to her and shower her with love." Snape hissed. "That hasn't worked. It started last month. See she was starting to go out with her girlfriends a lot more, and whenever I try to talk to her she either brushes me off or says, look sev you've been so distant lately I can hardly talk to you anymore!"

"Well." Remus sighed. "Look your really asking the wrong guy, but I think you feel she's rejecting you?"

"Yes."

"But you feel she started this a month ago by spending more time with her friends?"

"Yes…"

"Well maybe, she thinks you've been distant and she's insecure about it."

"So I'm wrong?" Snapes voice was slightly aggravated.

"No, no. Neither of you is wrong, your just having problems communicating, how's your job Severus?"

"Bad, I work at an insurance company, I'm thinking of becoming a poet or something though. See we first fell in love because of my poetry." Snape said sheepishly.

"Well. Your nervous and a little rattled about your job, and your holding thi tension inside yourself. Your girlfriend must have noticed this and thought maybe you were mad with her, or needed time on your own. She thought you were being distant with her. But it's all just a miscommunication. You actually needed to talk to her about your job, and she thought you were mad or didn't want to talk about it.

"So I think you need to tell her firmly we need to talk. Have you tried that?"

"No…I told her that I just thought we weren't talking as much, she got nervous and scampered off."

"Well that's what a woman does, she will grab you by the arm and say I don't think we're talking enough!" Remus grinned. "So have you only talked to women about this issue?"

"It's impossible to find male relationship therapists." Snape said rolling his eyes. "But I need to be more clear?"

"It's more you need to be a little firmer and more to the point. Sit down on a nice couch and comfort her by saying you didn't to anything wrong and I love you. She'll feel better, then try asking her if she feels you've been distant. She'll probably say yes, so then just let the conversation flow, explain about your job and that you needed to talk to her about it. Explain it wasn't her fault, she misread the signs you were giving off. Then explain you felt rejected by her." Remus explained. "Making sense?"

"Yeah…" Snape smiled. "That makes a lot of sense. I'm sorry for bothering you so early."

"It's not a problem," Remus said with a smile. He led Snape to the door, very pleased with the transformation in this man, talking with patients made them feel so much better. "So what are you going to do?"

"Tell her firmly that we need to talk and that is was a miscommunication, and explain my job issue!" Snape said, sounding very pleased. "Thanks, Lupin. I'll be back later this week, I've got another appointment on Tuesday, but I'll switch it from Pettigrew to you."

"Alright," Remus was polite, but he wanted this guy out! "Have a nice day Severus."

"Thank you." The other man said before leaving.

Remus closed the door and actually fell onto the lounge himself. "Dear Lord!" Then his phone rung. "Remus Lupin Black Psychiatric Center," he sighed.

"Boo!"

"James goddamit, what the hell do you want!"

"Hat to be the bringer of bad news Remy, but the Blacks just called. They said they appreciate my efforts on Sirius, but there's been no change, so I'm free from him!"

"How is that bad news?"

"Well….He's kind of being dumped on you."

"WHAT!" Remus yelled into the receiver, on the other line, in his office, James set the phone down on his desk and did paper work patiently until his friend was done screaming.

"Quite done?"

"Damn you." Remus hissed. "When's he coming?"

"Nine."

"NOW!" Remus launched into another fit and James again set down the phone. There was a loud knock on Remus' door. "Damn you James."

"Love you to Remy!"

"Burn!" Remus snarled slamming the phone down on it's cradle. Remus reclined in his crimson office chair and sighed, rubbing his temples. He put on a pleasant smile and opened the door, whatever pleasantries he was about to exchange with Sirius Black were quickly eradicated from his mind.

Standing in the door, leaning on the frame was a tall body, about 5'11 with long dark choppy locks that just brushed below his shoulder. The hair was silky and ink black, highlighted with a natural sleek blue. His eyes were startling shades electric blues, swirling and glowing in his head like pools of choppy water.

Remus was small, only 5'8" and being next to Sirius Black made him feel even smaller. Sirius' face was gorgeous, as well as his lean body, outfitted in dark black jeans and a casual dark button down blue shirt. The sleeves were rolled up, revealing a tattoo around his wrist of barbed wire and long fingers.

"Remus Lupin?" He asked.

Remus could only nod dumbly and gesture him to the couch. "Couch?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Sure…."

Remus sat down on the small couch. "So…Mr. Black, pleasure to finally meet you."

"Cut the crap." The ebony haired man from his couch snapped. "Who the hell are you and why are you any better?"

"I'm Remus Lupin, I graduated from-"

"Screw it I don't care." Sirius cut him off. "How old are you anyway?"

"Twenty three?" Remus half asked.

Sirius laughed. "What and I'm supposed to listen to a little man like you?"

Remus attempted a polite smile. "I'm sorry I'm not older and more impressive looking, but I'm afraid you just going to have to cooperate with me."

"It's not that your not impressive looking." Sirius leered suggestively. "But I'm twenty five, so, forgive me if it's hard to take you seriously."

Sirius Black roused up old issues inside of Remus. Ever since he started being the controversial thinker he was at the age of thirteen no one had taken Remus seriously, least of all his own parents. Of course they were so proud of their 'baby' when he became famous. Remus was also sick of not being taken seriously because he was pretty, it got annoying to have patients hitting on him after the first ten thousand times! Remus took a deep breath and smiled mechanically. "So Sirius, what would you like to talk about?"

"How about lollipops and candy canes!" Sirius said in a high pitched fake voice. "How about how fucking dumb life is?" he said dully.

"Why do you say life is dull?" Remus asked. _What the hell are you a moody teenager! _

"Why do we bother living? What's the reason for living, wow a few funny moments make eighty years of pure hell a 'wonderful' life?" Sirius growled. "Why do we go to school, so we can get a crappy job and waste our youth away worrying about money! I mean people say you can change the world, but in reality you can't. One person can't do shit for the world."

Remus shrugged. "Do you want me to agree or disagree?"

"I don't care."

"In that case," Remus started. "Then I disagree, it's rewarding to go to school, it's more fun then it is hard. We don't waste away our youth worrying about money. People lead very rewarding lives and are able to choose their own career and life."

"There are no choices. It's all fake, it's a system created by the government to keep people in line. If you think about it there's so few things a person can do, people are just shoved into generic jobs and most of them are screwed for life."

"We get to choose everything! Our job, our spouse, where we live, what we live in! And jobs are hardly generic and there's so many! You could be a doctor or a lawyer or a reporter, or a business man, a car dealer, a writer!" Remus sighed and his eyes glazed over. "It's a wonderful life."

"Why? Life is dull and flat. People are boring, you just met the same old guys who're depseratly trying to prove to the world that they're 'men' an strong and in control and women who're selfish and immature and constantly worrying about their figure and their hair. People are shallow!"

"Well maybe that's what makes us people." Remus objected.

"No it's what makes us predictable." Sirius snapped.

Remus looked at Sirius Black for a moment and was starting to realize why he was so difficult. _He's smart…he's very, very smart. He manipulates people and he reads their emotions. He's not juts a moody guy who never grew out of his teenage years…damn it! _Remus was becoming fascinated with Sirius' views, because they were novel and interesting and surprisingly lucid. "I'm sure we can talk more next time."

"Yeah, whatever."

_If he'd stop being an ass he might actually be worth speaking with! _Remus simmered. "Well have a good day."

"Stay hot." Sirius growled from the door. Remus scrambled over to the phone and dialed James short cut, 3.

"HE IS THE MOST SELF CENTERED, DEPRESSED, BASTARD I'VE EVER MET! THIS IS FUCKIGN SEXUAL HARRSAMENT! GOD DAMN HIM!"

James partially listened this time and found himself laughing. "I told you that your astounding level or prettiness was going to get you in trouble!"

"GOD DAMN IT I AM NOT PRETTY! REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"

James just kept laughing at his friend hysterics.

A/N: So, whatcha think? If you want me to continue review glares if u read and like just say anything! Such as good, bad, u suck!, burn in hell, or I like, wite more. Anything works for me! 0.o heheheh


	2. ask me

Gold Silk: Oh thank u! I wanted it to be humorous because I think people take life wayyyy to seriously.

Hannio: Thanks a grape! You know how people say thanks a lot? Well I say thanks a grape.

AffectedMangoO: Well Mango….0.o Prove you wrong I shall!

Apus-Equuleus: YAY FAVORITES LIST! worships thank u for reminding me about anonymous reviews.

Elves of the Moon: For your information….I rule hell! MUAHAHHA, no not really….No worries, siri will get much cuter ad fluffier, like a stuffed wabbit! Lol. By the way, where exactly are these elves of the moon? I should like to meet their leader sits in corner muttering about elves and the precious….didn't just say that, lol.

megaotaku: Perhaps I shall e-mail u, or perhaps I already have!

KCEstel: Sorry 'bout swearing…I don't curse that much…Right now at this juncture, no they are not magical, only in the fantasies of their minds are they magical wizards.

Remus Lupin slipped back into his small apartment at 9 p.m. that night. It hadn't stopped raining and Remus was freezing. He kicked off his shoes and dropped his rain coat on the ground.

First he sat down at his lap top and checked his e-mail, nothing new, just James' forwarding him crappy chain letters. Remus trudged into the kitchen and turned the stove's front burner up to nine before he went to find a pot.

He sifted through his soup collection, and selected chicken noodle. He fought with the can opener for a few minutes before grabbing a knife and cutting the can open. With his soup boiling and his mind wondering. He walked out of the kitchen with a sigh, tossing off his shirt. The room in between the kitchen and his bed room was where he had a nice tv set, with cable and a DVD player.

Remus stretched out on the couch and flicked on the box. He flipped to the news and went to get his soup. Five minutes later he was back on the couch with a bowl of soup.

"Well breaking news today is the discovery of the body of a fourteen year old boy in a forest of Northern Ireland. He was found nude without a heart or lungs, both were surgically removed by what police suspect to be a doctor of some sort. The boy also was completely drained of blood. The boy's own blood was used…" The woman gulped and squirmed in the chair, "As paint to illustrate a pentagon around his body. The boy's body was position in the shape of a cross inside the pentagon. At the scene where the body was found there was also a white tarp strung up in the trees with the words painted on, also in blood, Isn't life wonderful? The word wonderful was spelled with two Ls.

"The boy is identified to be Regalus Black, an inhabitant of local Orphanage, St. Barthelew's Center for Children. The owner of the orphanage Cornelius Fudge had this to say,"

A plump man with a bright red face and curly brown hair flashed on screen. Running along the bottom of the screen was Cornelius Fudge, owner of St. Bartholomew's Center for Children. "It's a terrible tragedy about Regalus, he was one of our brightest boys….It'd be a pity if it happened to more children." Fudge looked at the camera with a dangerous glint in his eyes, one that rattled Remus enough that he glanced up over the top of the couch to make sure no one was there. No one was there of course, but this Fudge was creepy.

"Now we go to the supervisor of the children Mr. Albus Dumbledore." The lady said with a solemn look.

"Regalus was a great boy, very smart, outstanding piano player. It's awful that such a maniac exists out there who would hurt little kids like him." Dumbledore said sadly. "I just wish he hadn't been so adventurous…" He gave a weary smile. "One of the other boys dared him to go into the forest, and Regalus was so proud…"

The screen switched back to the woman. "According to the orphanage Regalus was a mastermind with the piano, St. Bartholomew's has kindly lent us a tape of Regalus playing."

An image of a young boy waving at the camera flashed on screen. Remus leapt up into a sitting position and spilled the soup all over himself. "Ah screw!" Remus yelped, "hot!" But he looked back at the image that had startled him into spilling hot soup all over himself. Regalus Black, looked exactly like Sirius. Save for his eyes which were green. They were almost like twins.

"Sirius, move the camera to the left!" Regalus commanded jokingly.

"Pompus jerk." The camera boy, Sirius, grumbled, but he did move the camrea.

"Sirius Black? Regalus Black…Are they brothers or something?" Remus murmured, he moved closer to the screen and was shocked again as Regalus began to play the piano, he was wonderful. Remus sat there, entranced by this wonderful music until the tape was cut short by a loud yell.

"Sirius turn the camera off, F-" Regalus cried.

"That's all the tape that St. Bartholomew's was willing to lend us, but all our hearts go out to The orphanage and poor Regalus. We can only pray such a horrible fate doesn't befall any other children there.

Remus sat back and sighed. "That's odd…Coincidence?" thoughts of Regalus and Sirius shot through his mind as he went to take a hot shower.

He emerged from the shower, dressed only in a towel around his hips. Suddenly his phone started to ring. Remus darted over and lifted the receiver. "Hello, this is Remus Lupin speaking how may I help you?"

"Lupin?" A familiar, smooth charismatic voice asked tenitavely.

"Siri-Mr. Black, how may I help you?" Remuse attempted to keep himself from growling, but his to was pleasant and his was biting his tongue so hard he thought it might bleed.

"Are you busy tomorrow?" The voice was now the same cocky bastard as in his office and Remus' eyes narrowed.

_Yes! I have six appointments, and one of them is with a thirty year old woman whose never had sex! _Remus snarled mentally. "No of course not, do you need me for something?"

"No, I don't. My parents think it would be good for me to see you again." Sirius snickered. "Personally I can't wait to see you again."

Remus seethed. "Mr. Black can we please maintain a professional relationship." Remus' voice came out sarcastically and rudely.

"Relationship? Sorry I only do one nighters." Sirius sniggered.

"Mr. Black…." Remus growled. "Do you want my help or not!"

"Yeah sure, I'll be in tomorrow at one."

The other line went dead, and Remus slammed the phone down on the cradle and stormed out of the room back to the TV to watch CSI. The amber eyed man fell asleep on that couch, three hours later at one a.m.

Remus was again rudely woken by the ringing of his phone. Again it was James, requesting he take Peter's eight thirty appointment because Peter had 'other obligations'. Remus again stormed out of the house, today it was bright and sunny. So the walk to Hell was slightly less upsetting.

He stormed again into the elevator and slammed his hand into the star button, he brushed past Lily with a growl. The peppy red head laugh and promised she'd bring him in a coffee. Remus stepped into his office and slammed the door shut only to find there was someone lying on his therapy lounge.

The person shot up, and Remus saw it was a young man, with long black curls and bright emerald green eyes. "Are you Mr. Lupin?"

"Yes….Oh are you my appointment at nine thirty?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, um…Pleased to meet you," The boy held out a hand awkwardly. "Harry Evans."

"Evans?" Remus asked. "Are by any chance related to Lily?"

"She's my mum." Harry said with a smile. "She and er….James…..Me…..Yeah."

"So your James' son!" Remus laughed. "He's shown me picture of you as a baby, but wow! You look exactly like him!"

"Oh thank you, a lot of people tell me so." Harry sat back down on the lounge. "So….Promise you won't tell my dad?"

"Of course Harry, so what do you want to talk about." Remus asked gently.

"I…Well….Are you familiar with the Malfoy family?" Harry asked tenitavely.

"Those smug bastards." Remus growled. The Malfoy family was almost as well known as the Blacks, only far more controversial and cruel. They killed people they didn't like and constantly got away with it. It would be easier to capture an oil slicked snake then a Malfoy in a crime.

"Well, uh…I think I like one of them."

Remus' eyes grew three times their normal size. "You….like…a...Malfoy?"

Harry nodded. "Stop making me feel bad!"

"Sorry, so….uh…which is the lucky gal?" Remus asked shakily.

Harry winced. "I don't think it's a girl. I think I like Draco."

Remus sat back in his couch and crossed his legs. "Look, Harry I sense you are uncomfortable about he fact that you might be homosexual."

"Yeah, but…Won't god smite me?"

"No!" Remus objected. "Think of it this way, god created homosexuality why would he make it a sin?"

"Yeah I guess..." Harry sighed. "No one will mind?"

"Harry girls love gay guys! Besides, I know how sappy it sounds, but do whatever as long as it makes you happy. If you enjoy liking Draco, then by all means continue liking him, but just as a warning. Generally they don't like Potters."

Harry glanced to the left blushing. "Uh….Can I talk about something else?"

"Whatever you want." Remus said smoothly.

"All the kids at my schools parents are forty or forty five…But mine….I mean mom was only fourteen when she had me….Now she's only twenty seven."

"Wait! You're only thirteen!" Remus gasped.

"Like mother like son…" Harry shrugged with a sheepish grin. "Evan's always start young."

"God I thought you were at least fifteen!" Remus sighed. "Wow, Harry how old is Draco?"

"Fifteen."

Remus sighed. "Harry your very, very young to be questioning your sexuality and I think it might be best for you to put this whole Draco thing behind you."

Harry sighed, "But I think I'm in love with him."

Remus heaved a sigh, but continued through the long conversation with the boy, conastantly glancing at the clock, waiting for it to be one. _Wait! Sirius comes at one! Damn it!_

Remus canceled his other appointments so he could spend more time with the very insecure Harry. Harry left at 12:45, leaving Remus with fifteen precious minutes of solitude. Just as he shut the door behind Harry and fell onto the patient lounge himself someone knocked loudly on the door. "Come in!"

Remus glanced toward the door to see Sirius black come walking in, on this cold crisp fall day dressed in a warm looked cable knit sweater and dark jeans. "Mr. Black….Oh joy."

"Remus, pleasure to see you again." Sirius snickered. He sat down on the couch and smirked. "Will I be the psychologist today?"

"Black please." Remus sighed. "Alright you're taking the couch, I'm exhausted no arguing!" Black smirked and sat back in the couch, swinging his legs up onto it and smileing at Remus' shudder. "I take it yuo watch the news?"

"Your asking if I heard about that kid, Regalus." Sirius said swiftly. Remus nodded. "Yeah, it's a pity I guess."

"You guess?"

"Well yeah, it's sad that it happened to a kid. But it's one kid what difference could he possibly have made in the world." Sirius's eyes drifted to the window. "But he did play beautifully."

Remus was actually becoming fascinated with this creature. On day he was rude and depressed, and now he completely charismatic and radiated charm. "Still, one child can make all the difference."

"I don't believe in that shit."

_Nope, he's still the same rude depressed bastard. _Remus thought. "But still, a child?"

"Fourteen is hardly a child…" Sirius sighed, he looked back at the window. "When did you first fall in love?"

"Wha-What!"

"I asked you when was the first time you fell in love." Sirius said calmly.

Remus stammered and blushed. "I guess I was…thirteen, it was with this beautiful high school girl."

"And how'd she dismiss you?" Sirius snickered.

"We went out on one date, and then she said I wasn't a good enough kisser." Remus murmured. "What does this have to do with anything Black!"

"Well, the first time you fall in love marks the point in time when you stop being a child." Sirius shrugged, and then quietly he added, "Regalus was deeply in love years before he turned fourteen."

Remus decided not to persue the second comment. "Sirius why do you think like this? You are constantly belittling the importance of the human race and our accomplishments. Do you have any ideas why?"

Sirius glared at him. "Probably because I don't like myself very much and someone's belittled my importance in the world so I'm taking out my frustration on other innocent people."

Remus actually sat up and assumed his favorite position by sitting pretzel style. "Will you talk to me about it?"

"Screw off." Sirius growled. "Stop treating me like glass!"

"Well if I don't you might explode in my face!" Remus accuse loudly. "I don't want some moody guy who never grew out of teenage angst!"

"You don't get it you idiot!" Sirius retorted. "Don't make fucking assumption just from an hour with me." Sirius looked away from Remus. "I just want someone to love me!"

Remus' head shot back to the now shaking Sirius. "Now, now, Sirius I'm sure lots and of people love you, your parents, your brothers and sisters…."

"No! They don't really love me!" Sirius sobbed. "I-I'm so misunderstood!"

Remus studied Sirius voice and body carefully. He voice was…more of a moan then a sob, a very over dramatic moan. Remu's amber eyes narrowed. "Oh fuck you."

Sirius looked over at Remus, and wasn't sobbing. In fact he was completely hysterical with laughter. "I can't believe you bought that!"

"Would it kill you to throw me a bone!" Remus growled.

"Boner?" Sirius snickered.

Remus started to simmer again. "Black. Let's go back to the conversation. So you won't talk about why you belittle people, so will you tell me about your childhood?"

"I don't remember." Sirius shrugged.

"What!" Remus jumped.

"I don't remember. The last thing I remember was waking up the Black Mansion." Siius face turned truly thoughtful. "I remember forests, big beautiful forests. Hills, moors if you will." And then Sirius shuddered. "Something bad happened there….I'm not really sure what though."

"So what does what you do remember make you feel?" Sirius looked over at him grinning. "I know it sounds stupid, but please?"

"Free, wild, and playful….But dark…it makes me feel, alone, and afraid. Oh….I remember one other thing…It was when I was still twelve, but I remember this the most clearly. There was a boy…And he went into the forest as a dare, and he never came out. They found him in there and someone had written life isn't so wonderful with two Ls on the ground above his head…He had almost no blood left in him. But he was alive…" Sirius' eyes were closed, and he was in a trance like state.

"Okay Sirius, now I just want you to relax…Your safe here, nothing can get you." Sirius seemed to visually relax so Remus assumed that Sirius rarely felt safe. The blonde decided to continue with his coaxing. "Alright Sirius, we've made a lot of progress, do you want to go home?"

"No…" Sirius shook his head. "I want to stay."

"Okay, can I ask you a few questions?"

"Quit treating me like I'm glass!" Sirius huffed, but his eyes stayed closed.

"Alright, tell me about when you first were adopted."

"I liked them, mum and dad. They were nice, they gave me food, kept me warm. They tossed me here, I remember seeing James here, he was an assistant. I felt safer with him then with the old psychologist. He scared me." Sirius snickered. "Wasn't to pretty to look at either."

"Do you ever grow up?"

"Do you ever unwind?" Sirius said smugly. "But back to mum and dad, they put me in school. And they bought me a piano."

"Do play?"

"Yes…I remember playing all day and night once. Not here, back where I used to be. Before I was adopted I was so…furious and scared and spiteful that I just channeled it all into the piano."

Remus glanced at the clock. "Sirius it's three your appointment ended an hour ago…I'm starving…."

"Want to go grab something to eat?" Sirius inquired, gracefully opening one eye.

"Yeah…." Remus smiled at him. "Food sounds good."

A/N: Okay whatcha think of Harry! Review, please! And thank you all other reviewers I didn't put here because I lazy. I promise I'll put you up next time!


	3. trust me

1A/N: I'm sorry the second chapter was horrible…you can beat me with a stick (not twisted) anyways, my friend was sleeping over and I kept having to run away from her so she wouldn't see what I was writing (yes I'm a damn good host!) and because I was watching CSI for the majority of it. I really wanted to put a chapter up for you guys….yes….well I'll go write this one. sits in dark room typing. I'd put reviewers names up, but my internet's not working. And everyone thank my beta, megaotaku!

Remus and Sirius' lunch was polite, entertaining, and it reminded Remus a lot of a first date. They ate at a small café; it was private and the food was good. They went for a long walk through one of the larger parks. Afterwards Sirius asked if Remus would join him for desert, but Remus politely declined, as he did have to get home. Sirius understood and dropped him off in a limo. Sirius sat in the limo with the window entirely rolled down and Remus was standing outside the car.

"Thank you for the ride." Remus said, with a slight blush. "Er….So, same time tomorrow?"

"That sounds good, I can't wait to see you again." Sirius snickered, enjoying how the other man stammered, blushed, growled and finally managed to reply.

"Good."

"Fine." Sirius smirked.

"Perfect." Remus growled.

"Lovely."

"Good."

"Beautiful." Sirius said dreamily.

"Night." Remus said briskly., he started to turn away when Sirius' voice called him back.

"Hey, Remus." Sirius called, he gestured for Remus to come back. Remus crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot. Sirius gestured again for Remus to move closer. Remus leaned in the window and Sirius reached over and with his lips millimeters from Remus' ear and whispered. "I. see. DEAD PEOPLE!"

Remus flew back and fell right on his ass on the concrete side walk. "Sirius Black that was not funny!" he scolded the hysterical Black. "God will smite you!"

"Night, Remus, don't let the dead people touch you." Sirius laughed, waggling his eyebrows.

"Night Sirius, I hope the dead people do touch you! You sick pervert." Remus muttered darkly, enjoying their banter.

Sirius' hand snaked out and grabbed the retreating younger man's wrist. Remus looked back at him with big amber eye. "Really, sleep tight…Don't let that crap on the news get to you."

"Don't let it get to you either." Remus smiled. "Night, really."

"Night." Sirius said softly, letting Remus go.

Remus walked inside his building and slipped into he elevator, when he turned around he saw that the limo was just leaving. _He waited to leave till I got inside? _Remus started to blush, and promptly shook the thought from his head. _It's just a coincidence! _He thought firmly.

When he got upstairs Remus sat down on the couch and flicked on the news.

"There have been no new developments in Regulus Black's murder. However, police have questioned our own Black family and asked if they had any relation to the child."

"Oh the poor dear!" Mrs. Black cried. "It is such a pity about him…But he's not related to us, only common surnames." Mrs. Black was extremely pretty in a good girl turned bad rocker chick type of way. Mrs. Emily Black had long, wild, seal brown hair that was cut into wild choppy layers. Her spectacular grey eyes were always lined in dark eyeliner and accented with dark sparkly eye shadow. She was actually forty nine, but she looked more like late twenties or early thirties. She married the Mr. Black very, very young. Emily was only eighteen. The pair was sitting in their living room.

Mr. Black was tall and elegant looking. He was fifty five. Mr. Jacob Black was outfitted with mused midnight black hair that curled around his ears and covered one eye, dark black sunglasses, a brilliant smile, and an Armani suit. "What kind of monster would do that to a child! I know that Emily and I are most definitely keeping our children close to home.

"What about Sirius?" A reported asked.

Emily's smile faltered for just a moment before coming back even brighter. "Sirius is big boy, he can take care of himself."

"There's a rumor that Sirius has a new therapist, is this true?"

"Oh no!" Emily laughed, "He's on vacation with his girlfriend in Hawaii!"

"Who is this girlfriend!"

"A lovely girl by the name of Hermione Granger." Mr. Black cut in. "She and Sirius have been going strong for a few months."

"Are they going to get engaged?"

"Well, you know, Sirius is a bit of a Serial Dater." Emily smiled. They were trying to make Sirius seem like a bad boy flirt.

Remus' head shot up. "He has a girlfriend!" He suddenly felt a pang of jealousy and twitch of hate. "That bastard played me!"

"And who is this little fellow?" The reporter asked. The camera shifted down to a small boy, only about six or seven, holding Emily's hand. The boy had big bright eyes, Remus did a double take. This boy had silver eyes, bright silver eyes, soft looking red hair that flopped messily into his eyes and light pink lips.

"Oh, this is our newest baby!" Emily chuckled, lifting the boy up onto her lap. The boy squirmed and murmured something. But Mr. Black looked over at the boy. Remus couldn't tell what lay behind the man's eyes, but from the way the boy stilled and put on a huge fake grin it was a harsh threatening look. "His names Paris…We found him and his older brother in Argentina!"

The camera shifted to an image of an older boy, the boy smiled winningly at the camera. He had rich creamy golden skin and long wavy brown hair. Remus looked transfixed at this kid's eyes, like Paris he had brilliantly colored gold eye, with a flair of green around the pupil.

The camera swung back to Emily. "That's Edward, he's fourteen, they will both be attending the Boys Academy of London starting next Monday."

Remus flicked of the television and stormed into his room. "Sirius has a girlfriend…..A bloody girlfriend." Remus turned on his computer and logged onto a forum site for psychologists. "Or maybe it's just a publicity stunt." Remus thought out loud.

He clicked on UK forum and started a new thread called. SIRIUS BLACK.

_Hello, _Remus typed quickly. _My name's Remus Lupin, I work at the Black Psychiatric Center in London. I've recently been assigned to help Sirius Black (really, I'm not kidding here!) I was just watching the news and I saw he had a girlfriend. Is this true? Also if there is anyone here who has ever worked intimately with Sirius Black and his information on him, please call me at _314-256-2563. _Or instant message me at _GoldieWolf. _I did not come up with that screen name, my friend insists on my using it and I was drunk when I decided on it. _

_And does anyone know what's up with the Black's new kids? They look more like ornaments then kids. Wish I looked that good when I was fourteen. Bt if you have information on Sirius Black or have worked with him, PLEASE, IM or call me. This is no joke and it's _very_ urgent! _

Remus clicked enter and waited for five minutes by getting something to eat. When he returned he signed onto AOL Instant Messenger and suddenly found himself flooded with IM's.

He quickly typed a response to most of them. He closed about five or six and was left with two. One of them was from someone called SnApSfOrSnApE.

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Is this Remus Lupin?

**Goldeiwolf**: Yes, have we met?

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Oh sorry, it's Severus Snape.

**Goldiewolf**: OH! Severus, how'd things with your girlfriend work out?

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: sigh not good, she sat down with me, but when I started to talk she burst into tears saying she's been cheating on me! We had a mutual break up and I helped her pack up her stuff.

**Goldiewolf**: That's too bad. God I'm sorry.

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Eh, don't worry about it. The relationship was winding down anyway. Anyway, you were asking about Sirius Black?

**Goldiewolf**: Yeah, I'm working with him now.

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: I had a friend who worked with him for a few months. He committed suicide a few days after Sirius moved on to a new psychologist.

**Goldiewolf**: Wait, I heard that a man named Kennith Dawson committed suicide while treating Sirius Black for mental disturbance!

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: No, Kennith killed himself AFTER Sirius moved on. It's common for therapists to go through a period of withdrawal after he leaves them. Weird huh?

**Goldiewolf**: Very. Did this friend of your have notes on Sirius?

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Big, big crates full of 'em, I can drop them off at the Black Center tonight, are you there?

**Goldiewolf**: No I'm at home, but don't worry about driving over to the Center.

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: No it's fine, I just went to pick them up from a warehouse. No one in his family wanted them so I get 'em. Joy.

**Goldiewolf**: Oh, well would you mind dropping them off then? I'll take good care of them. You can ask the guard out front to help you, tell him the crates are for Remus Lupin. He'll help.

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Okay will do, are you free this week?

**Goldiewolf**: Doubt it. Sirius Black is constantly coming in! I end up spending the day with him.

At his computer Remus sniggered. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie.

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Oh, ok. IM me when you have time. I'd really like to spend more time with you.

Remus frowned…._Is he hitting on me?_

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: I really enjoyed our last session.

**Goldiewolf**: Oh sure, I'll let you know the first second I have time, k?

**SnApSfOrSnApE**: Will do…see ya later, I hope.

**Goldiewolf**: great bye!

Remus logged of as fast as humanly possible and was left with nothing to do. He felt the overwhelming urge to call Sirius and ask about his girlfriend. But he resisted the urge and crawled into bed.

He wrapped himself again around the long white pillow and shut his eyes, the only image in his mind was Sirius Black.

The next morning Remus woke up on his own. He yawned and rolled over to see what time it was. Ten a.m. Good, he had time to eat a proper breakfast. He sauntered into the kitchen and opened the freezer and pulled out a box of Eggo French toaster sticks. He popped four into the toaster and got out some whipped cream.

He found a plate and waited patiently for the French toast to finish cooking. When they popped out of the toaster, Remus grinned and artistically stacked them on the plate. Then he covered the entire mound of French toast with whipped cream. He fished around in the drawers for sprinkles and found a box of rainbow colored ones and dumped the whole box on the mound. "Muhahah, die stupid French toast!" Remus cackled. _Dear god please give everyone in the world third degree burns. _He prayed silently as he heated up hot fudge.

"Stupid world." He muttered darkly as the microwave beeped. He removed the hot fudge and poured half the bottle on top of the French toast sundae. "You know I'm going to breed mutant sharks, and then….I'll make them flop around on land and eat people!" He laughed at his own stupidity. "And I'll tell them not to eat the seals! The poor little buggers…"

He grinned at his master piece and grabbed a fork and was about to eat it, when the doorbell rang. "Damnit!" He scowled. Remus picked up the entire plate and strode over to his door. He opened it, "What?" He scowled, "Hello?" He shoved a forkfull of whipped cream in his mouth and looked up at the person at the door.

Standing in his door was James holding a big crate, and Sirius?! Remus' eye grew at least four times their normal size and his mouth was agape.

"Close your mouth, it makes you look like a fish." Sirius scowled.

"Sorry to barge in, but Mr. I'm-so-misunderstood decided to make a little seen in the lobby and refused to wait for you." James partially informed Remus and partially insulted Sirius.

"Look, it bloody important!" Sirius growled. "Remus? I…Uh….It's really important." He looked down at Remus with big pleading eyes. "Oh can I have some?" he reached down uninvited and took a huge bit of whipped cream.

"Hey!" Remus shouted. "That was my breakfast." The smallest man put on a pout. "Fine, Jamesy ol' buddy what's with the crate."

"Snape brought it over, he said it was for you. Remus…Your not dating him, are you?" James asked loudly.

Remus actually backed away from James and almost dropped the plate of French toast, luckily Sirius caught it. "God no!" Remus then glared at James and leapt on him. "You stupid bastard!"

"What did I do!" James shrieked.

"You promised you wouldn't mention that!" Remus hissed, strangling James.

"What!"

"That I'm gay!" Remus shouted, Sirius looked over at him, mouth full of whipped cream. "Damn you James." He yelled, removing his hands from his best friend's throat.

"I didn't mean to." James winced. "But it's just Sirius."

"Yeah besides," Sirius added, "I figured you were gay when you started blushing at everything I said."

Remus glared at him. "Fine it's just pick on Remus day!"

"Aw….Look what you've done James," Sirius teased. "You've gone and upset him." He look another bit of whipped cream.

James elbowed Sirius in the ribs. "Shut it Sirius! This is serious, Remus is very sensitive about his sexuality."

"Of course this is Sirius, who else would I be?"

"Shut up Sirius!"

"Just tell him everything about me!" Remus screamed from the kitchen. "Oh why don't you mention that I slept with a stuffed animal 'till I was eighteen!"

"Remus you had a very good reason to!" James shouted back. He attempted to peek into the kitchen and just barely missed a plate hurled at his head. James scowled. "Well you go try now."

"Do I have to?" Sirius wined.

"If you hadn't made a seen we wouldn't even be here!" James growled. Sirius grinned at him and sauntered into the kitchen. Remus was making another French toast sundae. One of his pieces of toast was stuck in the toaster and Remus couldn't get it out. The smaller man was about to reach into the toaster, when a strong hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Let me go." Remus growled, glaring at him.

"Do you want some help?" Sirius asked gently.

"No!" Remus snarled, ripping his wrist away. I'm fine on my own!"

"Sure? You might burn yourself."

"Don't care." Remus growled.

"I care." Sirius said gently, he leaned closer to Remus and from around the smaller man's shoulder, gently wrapped his fingers around Remus' wrist and pulled it away from the toaster. "Besides I have a better idea."

"Sirius did he kill you?" James shouted.

"Nope," Sirius called back cheerfully. "I have conquered the beast."

"Not yet." Remus retorted and attempted to wriggle himself out from between Sirius's warm body and the counter. "Okay…Maybe I'm a little stuck." Sirius arm started to curl around his chest. "Stop." Remus said gently, laying a hand on Sirius arm. He looked back and was greeted by Sirius' confused gaze. "You have a girl friend."

Sirius laughed. "No, that's just a publicity thing. Hermione's a pretty girl and it gets me good publicity."

"But…." Remus protested. "Your not gay."

"I like pretty things." Sirius responded.

Remus brushed him off. "I don't think I'm ready for anything right now Sirius, maybe after I'm not your psychologist anymore…It would be weird."

Sirius smiled warmly. "Did you ever think that maybe my twisted mind won't be fixed from extended sessions of therapy with old men?"

"Not really." Remus shrugged with a little grin, for that moment he completely forgot about the French toast and breakfast.

"You need to unwind a little." Sirius murmured flirtatiously.

Remus blushed. "C'mon, what was the really important thing you needed to tell me?"

"Oh right, just looking at you has brushed the entire morning from my mind." Sirius teased. "No, it's about those two kids."

"Edward and Paris? They're your new brothers right?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, but something's wrong about them…I don't know exactly what. Paris, the little one. He doesn't talk…I mean he murmurs but no one can hear him, the poor kids scared stiff of Dad. Did you see them on the news conference?'

"They did look a little off…." Remus sighed, "I don't know. Is that it?"

"No I remember something."

"About what?"

"My childhood." Sirius sighed, he shut his eyes and tilted his head back. "I remember that there was a man…He was weird, all the boys were scared of him, except one. Regulus wasn't scared of him…"

"Sirius! How do you know Regulus?" Remus insisted.

"I don't know….He played piano…really good. And he really liked this guy. I think he was in love with him. Regulus was…young….ten, eleven? Yes ten…And he tried to spend time with this guy. And I told him not to. I don't know why, I just had a bad feeling about him. But then I left, I don't know why or where, but I couldn't help Regulus!"

A very confused Remus reached over and stroked Sirius arm gently. "It's okay, it's not your fault." Sirius could only whimper. "Please think, how did you know Regulus?"

"The barcode." Sirius whispered. "Our numbers were the same except for the last digit. They were mad at me, so they sent me back! I was older then most of the kids, they said I was a counselor...I think it was long time ago…Regulus! I tried to warn him about that man, I couldn't explain why I was so…scared of him."

Remus sighed and tried to piece this together in his mind. _Okay so three years ago, someone sent Sirius back 'there;' to where Regulus was. So let's assume that "there" is the orphanage. Sirius was scared of this man who Regulus was in love with? Damn, I know weird people! _"Sirius, what was the place were Regalus was called?"

"It was where I lived before mum and dad….An orphanage…" Sirius was still in a trance like state and Remus was going to milk all he could out of Sirius.

"Was it called St. Bartholomew's?"

Sirius shivered violently. "I think so, it was Saint something…"

"Okay, so you grew up at St. Bartholomew's Center for Children, in Ireland with moors and forests. When you were twelve, a boy went into the forest and was murdered right? In the same way that Regulus was."

Sirius shook his head. "No the boy lived…He barely made it."

"Okay, so then you were adopted, but 'they' were mad at you so they sent you back to St. Bartholomew's?" Sirius nodded. Remus frowned, but continued. "Regulus was ten and was….Infatuated with a man who scared you?"

"No, Regulus was in love."

"Okay in love with this man that scared you." Remus corrected himself. "You warned Regulus, but then you were taken away?" Sirius nodded. "Sirius, this doesn't make any sense… And what barcode are you talking about?"

"On my back…" Sirius murmured, his head was titled back and his eyes closed.

"Take of your shirt." Remus commanded quickly. Sirius complied. The amber haired man blushed and fought the urge not to stare at Sirius lean six pack. "Where's the barcode?"

"Lower back." Sirius whispered. His eyes were still closed and his voice was thick.

"Hey Remus what's-" James trailed off at the seen in front of him. Sirius looked very please and Remus was on his knees. (A/N: Everyone get your minds in the gutter!) "Erm…Was I interrupting something?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter and get over here, James!" Remus snapped urgently. The taller man strode over to where Remus was, kneeling just behind Sirius.

"What's so…." James' green eyes doubled in size. "Oh my god." He traced his fingers over the ink black tattoo on Sirius' back. The tattoo was of a barcode symbol with the numbers 66612 just above it. "Someone burnt this into his back." He said running his fingers again over the slight grooves in Sirius' skin.

Remus just gaped. "Sirius where did you get this?"

"Don't remember." Sirius whispered. "Stop, Remus that hurts!" Remus and James drew their fingers away From Sirius as if shocked. Suddenly Sirius looked down at them. "What are you two doing down there?"

Remus gaped. "Do you remember any of what you just said?!"

Sirius frowned. "Something about Regulus and barcodes I think….Why, what did I say?"

Remus led Sirius and James to the couch and sat them down. It took him nearly an hour to explain what Sirius had said and what he assumed it meant. Sirius curled up on the couch, clutching the pillows.

"That's creepy." Sirius sighed. "What's in the crate James?"

"Oh, I'm not sure, Snape just told me to get them to you Remus." James said, his attention being drawn back to the present day.

"Those are the notes of the psychologist who committed suicide after you got a new psychologist Sirius." Remus explained. "I was hoping I could find something that I could help you with. Now I'm wondering about these trances we go into when we talk about Regulus and your childhood."

Sirius shrugged. "Honestly I don't remember."

Remus bent down next to the crate and started filing through it. All the notes were carefully organized in folders. "Childhood, information, phobias, interests, photos?" he glanced over at Sirius grinning.

Sirius shuddered. "That dude was seriously creepy."

James cracked a smile. "Does Siri have a stalker?"

"Oh shut up James, it's not funny!" Sirius shuddered again. "I was traumatized for life from him! He kept talking about his speedo and how we should go swimming!" James nearly fell of the couch laughing. "James!" Sirius cried in mock alarm. "It's really not funny!"

Remus grinned and removed a folder. "Here we go, Peculiarities." Remus cleared his throat. "And I quote, 'June twenty-third, 1999. Today Sirius slipped into a trance like state for the tenth time. He murmured about the safe place, the bad man and the barcodes. I had no idea what he was talking about. He also mentions a boy named Regulus. I researched this strange behavior pattern on the internet and found out about a drug called Paril.

This drug destroys memory cells and actually wipes them clean. The drug can be injected with needles, swallowed, or taken in a liquid gel form. Those under the symptoms of this drug will randomly begin to scream, sob uncontrollably, or become disorientated.

In order to use the drug you must be a professional and very skilled because an over dose can be fatal. After the drug is administered the subject may either be left alone or the subjects' memories may be replaced when one whispers in their ear and tells the subject exactly what they want the subject to remember.

Subjects afterwards may slip into coma's or wake up cheerfully in the morning. However the drug does have several serious long term effects. Paril will cause deep depression in the subject years to weeks afterwards, deplete the immune system, and the subject may be more fearful and timid then before the injection of Paril. If the subject is given Paril more then twice (depending on the subject, some of the known subjects have taken up to fives does without other consequences. But two is the minimum of doses to create the following complications) the subject may slip into states of comatose, or a more resilient patient might stay conscious, and only slip into a trance like state.

Even more odd about the drug are it's cases of overdose. In some cases subjects given to much Paril will go insane, loose interest in life and commit suicide, or more interestingly, the subject's memories might start returning to them. If Paril is used more then once incorrectly it could result in the new dose of Paril eating up the old dose, so the subject regains his memory. However this rarely happens and mostly the subject's entire memory is wiped cleanly away. Even if the Paril did eat each other up the newly freed memories are usually still kept deep in the patients mind, listed under traumatic experiences and are rarely ever recovered.

I believe that Sirius has in fact been injected with Paril, judging from his symptoms he must have been injected with the substance more then once because he does slip into trance like states.

However my belief brings out all sorts of disturbing questions. What kind of sicko puts this beautiful creature on this drug? For what purpose was Sirius injected with Paril? Paril is made from a plant only found in Ireland, Sirius lives in London, how did he get the Paril? But most importantly do his parents know about this?'"

Remus looked up at Sirius.

"So I'm on this Paril stuff?" Sirius asked.

"Well….from what I can see here and from what I know, you are not currently being injected with Paril…But you have been in the past….I think you were injected once in Ireland, before you were adopted. That explains why you can't remember your childhood, and at least once when you were twenty two more after "they" sent you away back to St. Bartholomew's in Ireland after you talked to Regalus about the man who scared you."

"I think I was injected one more time," Sirius said softly. "I don't really remember it, but I-um-I kind of don't like needles much…So I think I must have been injected again when I was around sixteen, because after that I had a spaz attack anyone put a needle close to me for months."

"That would make sense…" Remus sighed. "James, ideas?"

"When you first came to London how did you feel?"

"Extremely happy. Always very, very happy." Sirius shrugged and then cracked a grin. "All my friend thought I was on ecstasy though, but then again I guess I was, huh?"

"And when you first tried to kill yourself."

"It was like I'd woken up a different person." Sirius sighed. "I hated everyone and everything, I couldn't stand the stupidity of life, the pointlessness of it, so I broke my mirror and tried to slit my wrists with a piece."

"How many suicides did you attempt?"

"Honestly? Five in that same year, I think three times when I was eighteen, maybe two per year since then?" Sirius winced at Remus' and James' shocked expressions. "I tried to get hit by cars, I would beg people to shoot me or hit me, I think I got so high one time I passed out and threw up blood….Yeah I did some crazy stuff."

"Sirius…" Remus sighed.

"I don't need your sympathy." Sirius said coldly. "I'm doing just fine."

"Well." Remus shrugged. "I was just trying to help."

"You could take off your clothes and dance around," Sirius suggested with a wicked smile. Remus whacked him on the back of his head.

"Idiot." He muttered affectionately.

James smirked. "You two are such a cute couple."

"Like you and Lily?" Remus growled. "Besides we're not a couple! Uh….James…do you have a son?"

"Of course! How many times have I showed you pictures of my darling Harry!" James grinned.

"Well…uh…er….mmm….Where is he?" Remus stammered.

"In America."

"James, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I just saw him yesterday."

"WHAT!" James shouted. "How the hell did he get here!"

"Apparently he's also going to school here," Remus sighed. "He came in for a session yesterday morning, James. I thought you knew!"

"No….Lily said she couldn't raise him so she sent him to her own relatives in America. She was so young….I…." James sighed and buried his face in his hands. "I ruined her life didn't I?"

"Aw come on Jamesy," Remus said soothingly. "You didn't ruin her life…So she got pregnant a little young, it's fine. Happens all the time. But it looks like she raised Harry herself."

"That's why she moved out." James said sullenly. "A few nights after we….yeah anyways she said she needed some time to think…I guess it was because she didn't want me to know she was…pregnant!"

Sirius moved to the other side of James. "James, you didn't ruin her life. You two have a great relationship, you've practically been married since she got pregnant! I know my parents' relationship isn't that good."

"Really?" James sniffled. "Cause they look so close on TV."

"Once the cameras go of she just shoves us away to yell at him. Of course Dad yells back and soon their throwing vases." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look at you and Lily! I'm sure Harry's a great kid. I mean with a dad like you…"

"Are saying my son's retarded?" James snickered.

"Well….I sure hope he isn't like you in that respect." Sirius smiled.

"See!" Remus said soothingly. "Even Sirius thinks you're a good dad, and Sirius wants to kill the world!"

"Well today I only want to give it third degree burns." Sirius cackled.

"So Harry's…What's he like?" James asked.

"He's…a sweetie. Very polite, kind, he's pretty funny actually. He's also very insecure, James." Remus added. "God, I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but he came in to talk to me about his suspicion that he's a homosexual."

"Homosexual," Sirius echoed, putting a hilarious stress on the 's' in the word as if he had a lisp.

"Yeah…Lily's side of the family always were….early birds actually. Lily's boobs were huge when she was twelve!" James and Sirius snickered while Remus just sat there uncomfortably. "What else did he say?"

"You remember Lucius?"

"That SMUG BASTARD!" James yelled. "How could I forget him!"

"Yes well he's got a son named Draco…And Harry er…kind of…well I think really fancies Draco."

James almost fainted. "Oh lord."

"Well I'm sure he's not a bad kid!" Remus said quickly. "He's got good taste and he's a smart. I'm sure Draco not at all like his dad."

"Oh lord." James moaned, he glanced at his watch. "It's already two! Oh shit I have to meet Lily in fifteen minutes for lunch, and I have to talk with her, Sirius do you need a ride?"

"Er…Well actually I was hoping to stay." Sirius looked hopefully over at Remus. "You don't mind do you? After the Paril deal, and how my parents actually might have been the ones drugging me, can I stay with you tonight, Remus?"

"Yeah sure I don't mind." Remus shrugged. "But you're sleeping on the couch! I don't trust you near me when I'm sleeping."

James laughed, "Good night loves birds, Sirius don't take advantage of Remus while he sleeping, Remus…I think you have a new stuffed animal to sleep with…"

The smallest man leapt on James and strangled him for the second time that day. "We are not love birds! And I don't sleep with stuffed animals!"

"Sure, Remus," James croaked.

"DIE!"

A/N: Okay I hope this was better then the second chapter, I tried to piece things together a bit more in this chapter, so if you're confused then review and I shall explain next chapter. Or you could just review anyways….By the way reviewers you guys are the best and when my internet comes back from vacation I shall give you all cookies! runs away with cookies MUAHAHA


	4. understand me

1A/N: WOOHOO! Eagles are winning! Oh joy! The sad thing is that I'm actually typing this right now, LOL….Not a loser! Have a life curls into little ball I shall have to go to the moon and meet these moon elves…..muahahaha….Last night I fell on a metal grate and now I have this huge bruise on my knee. I'm not clumsy! There was a lot of snow! so now I have one of those icy hot patches on it and my mom keeps yelling at me for moving my leg. So I shall type until I have carpal tunnel syndrome!

Now to address my reviewers!

Person who said this was the most un realistic fan fiction ever: I sorry, but I am a thirteen year old girl who spends the majority of her time ranting about how much the government sucks. It is fan fiction so it's meant to be a little un realistic. The characters are based of a pretty unrealistic book. About the extra fast pacing, I'll try and slow down, but I hate it when it takes 19 chapters for two people to get together, besides the story is about a lot more then Siri and Remus getting together.

And the reason Remus is such a good psychiatric dude? Well you shall see. And You'll see the reason he's likes Sirius so much.

No Paril is not a real drug….Who's ever read the book by Stephen King _Misery_? cricket okeydokey then. He makes up a drug in that book too, so it's not illegal! Please don't sue me!

Anyone else who review my internet is still down, but I luv u all!

After James left Remus continued making his French Toast sundae and joined Sirius to watch a movie. "Sirius what are you doing?!" Remus yelled as he saw Sirius cackling hysterically on the floor. "What did you break?!"

"Look!" Sirius gasped, pointing at the tv. Remus sighed, put his breakfast on the table and glanced at the Tv. On the screen there was an image of a woman, walking quickly down the street. It was raining very hard and torrents of water were pressing against her ankles. Suddenly the woman fell right on her ass on the sidewalk and was actually carried away by the flooding water screaming things like, 'Help!'

"Sirius that's not funny!" Remus exclaimed. But then the same clip came on screen again, and Remus cracked a smile. "It's a little funny." Sirius rolled around on the floor laughing harder. Remus finally gave into laughing. "Alright, it's funny!"

"It's bloody hysterical! Look at her! She's being carried down the street!"

The woman in fact was being dragged down the street by the water, and she started to scream hysterically. "Help! My shoe! It's a three hundred dollar shoe!" She tried to reach the leather pump which had been swept under a car wheel. Suddenly the water gushed harder and the woman was shoved down, and the shoe floated from under the tire near her. She grabbed the shoe and clutched it tightly.

Remus flicked of the tv and glared sternly at Sirius. "Sirius. This is my day off so I decide what we watch."

"Fine." Sirius shrugged, crawling up onto the couch. "Alright, go to channel ninety nine, it's porn all before three."

Remus glared at him. "No, we are not watching porn."

"Watching you is like porn." Sirius said over dramatically. He stretched out over the entire couch, shirtless with his hair draping over his chest. Remus whacked him on the back of the head.

"Oh be quiet you idiot and give me some room."

"Nope."

"Sirius!"

"Sorry." The older man said smugly.

"Fine." Remus smirked, he picked up his French toast sundae and sat right down on Sirius' chest. "Comfy?"

"Oh yes," Sirius growled sarcastically. "What are we watching?"

"Hm….Oh! Fosters home for imaginary friends is on!" Remus squealed.

"Fosters what?" Sirius groaned.

"Fosters home for imaginary friends is on! It's this cartoon show!" Remus giggled. So he spent the afternoon sitting on Sirius, watching cartoons, and tormenting the porn starved Sirius.

"Remus!" Sirius moaned. "Please go order the pizza! I'm so hungry I might eat myself!"

Remus scowled, but ordered two large cheese pizzas, if only to keep Sirius from winning. It was only six and Remus sighed. _I still have to spend the whole night with him. _Suddenly he heard someone laughing. "Sirius!"

"Remus! We're watching a movie!" Sirius announced.

"No! Sirius, I wanted to watch the news!" Remus protested.

"Remy, the news is poisoning your pristine mind," Sirius said authoritatively. "Now movie or porn?"

"Movie." Remus sighed.

"Hm….Let's watch…'Mean Girls!' Dear lord Remus, why do you own 'Mean Girls?'" Sirius gasped.

"It's Lily's! She said she had to see it…Erm….She's been obsessed finding out if Lindsay Lohan's boobs are real or not." Remus stammered.

Sirius grinned. "You are such an odd ball." He looked down at the videos again. "We shall watch…..hm…Texas Chainsaw Massacre!"

"No!" Remus protested. "I don't want to watch something scary!"

"But, Remmie! We can cuddle," Sirius waggled an eyebrow and was whacked on the back of the head for it. The older man popped the movie into the DVD player and stretched himself out on the couch. Remus, hands full with several types of chocolates situated himself on Sirius' chest.

Remus jumped at every single noise that came from the TV, much to Sirius' amusement. Sirius timed his loud cry of 'boo!'; with when the girl shot herself in the mouth. Remus actually fell of the couch. "Sirius that-t-t wasn't-t fun-y-y-y!" Remus was actually trembling.

"Aw Remus I'm sorry." Sirius cackled, "But you…Couch….!"

"Shut up Sirius!" Remus growled. "I'm sitting down here." He didn't touch Sirius or make any sound for about fifteen minutes, and then he started to get scared. He started glancing to the sides of him at every jump scene, until finally he sat back down on Sirius. "If you scare me again, you'll be the one on the floor." Remus warned him.

They continued to watch, and finally came to the scene with the white sheets. Remus had his hands over his eyes. Sirius sighed, "Remus if you hate horror movies so much, why do you own Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

"Well sometimes I hate them and sometimes they make me feel better." Remus said sheepishly.

"That makes no sense."

"Well actually it does," Remus argued. "Do you like horror movies?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Remus inquired.

"Because I like seeing the people die in bloody horrible ways." Sirius said, as if he had this conversation every day.

"Exactly!" Remus exclaimed. "See people actual enjoy seeing human death, because we enjoy watching someone else die, because we're all human, but usually we aren't aware of that mortality. But when we see or hear about someone else die, we want to know and hear about it to make us feel stronger about our own mortality. Sure it's sad when someone dies, and it's awful if it was someone close to you….But death is intriguing and especially how people are murdered. Like this thing with Regulus, I would kill to talk to his murderer."

"How much you wanna bet it's my parents?" Sirius grumbled.

"I…" Remus trailed off. "Sirius, I doubt it."

"Remus, how'd you get so good and psychology?" Sirius asked. "I mean your only twenty three."

"Well….I….I lied about my age. I said that I had graduated from collage….Look I don't really wanna talk about it."

"No, I mean now. I mean why are you so good?" Sirius asked. "Your pretty unprofessional."

"I know." Remus shrugged. "But the Blacks cut me a lot of slack because of my age. I think that if you remain distant with someone, and just tell them to talk, then that's all they'll do, talk. But if you get close to them, understand what hurt them and what their problem is. If you experience that problem, then the person can actually be healed. It's hard to care about a complete stranger."

"That's interesting. Would that explain why you're sitting on my chest?" Sirius snickered.

Remus went bright red. Suddenly the door bell rung and Remus did fall of the couch, much to Sirius' amusement. He stalked to the door and opened it. "Yes….."

"Pizza?"

"How much."

"Eight pounds."

Remus handed the man the money and took the pizzas inside. He dumped it on Sirius's chest. "Here, you can hold the pizzas while I go get plates."

Remus came back a minute later, two plates in hand to find Sirius on his second slice of pizza. "You pig." Remus snorted. He sat down on the chair next to the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.

Remus started yawning only fifteen minutes later. "I'm going to bed, night Sirius."

"Don't let leather face molest you!" Sirius yelled back.

"God I hope…..Someone worse molests you!" Remus fired back, slamming the door to his room. _He's such a child! _Remus thought angrily. _Why the hell did I let him stay over night?! He'll probably come in and rape me. _Suddenly Remus froze, he looked behind him, of course nothing. He locked the door to his bedroom, turned of the lights and slipped, trembling under his covers, clinging to his white pillow more then he had in a long time.

_He was running, running as fast as he legs would carry him. The bruises on his knee ached violently, and threatened to buckle under him with every step. Fire laced through the cuts on his back, but no matter how much it hurt he would keep running. _

Don't look back, just don't look back_. He told himself harshly. He turned to corner that led to his street and when he was safely around the corner he practically fell into the bushes where he would always hide. He kept a pillow there and his favorite stuffed animal, they'd burnt the other ones. _

_It was so cold, and he couldn't fall asleep. The brick house that he was leaning against was cold against his head and made the shards of glass imbedded in his back burn all the fiercer. He finally lay down on the ground, curling up on his side, clinging to his little stuffed animal with his head on the filthy pillow he finally fell into a turbulent sleep. _

_He dreamt that he was running away from that house. _

Remus shot violently up right in bed, panting and inches away from crying. He grabbed for the white pillow and hugged and tightly. Suddenly the phone started to ring and Remus snatched it up. "Hello?" He asked shakily with a thick voice.

"Remus!" James greeted, then he noticed his friend's shaky voice. "Remus, are you alright?"

"Yeah…" Remus took a deep breath. "Bad dream."

"You've been asleep this whole time!" James gasped.

"Yes, why?" Remus yanked the covers up over himself.

"Sirius came in around eight and said you weren't feeling well, so I took care of him today, you mind?" James asked.

"No, not at all…I really don't feel well James." Remus sighed. "Do you think that you can make sure I never end up with that Snape guy again? He's really creepy and stalker-ish."

"Yeah I'll tell Lily." James grinned. "Look are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah….fine."

"Sirius said he'd bring you lunch around one." James aid hopefully.

"Okay."

"Remus something is wrong, you're never only lukewarm about food!"

"I…Bad dream."

"How bad?" James asked in a mother hen voice.

"Bad….Did you meet Harry?" Remus asked, desperate to change the conversation.

"No, but I talked to Lily. Turns out she did actually send Harry to the states. He came back here when he was ten, and Lily's taken care of him ever since…She's sorry for not telling me."

"Do you mind that she didn't?"

"Not really, but I wish she had, I would have helped…" James sighed. "I could have sent money…I would have too."

"I know Jamesy. When are you meeting him?"

"Today."

"Tell me how it goes."

"I will." James sighed. "Alright, I'll lave you in peace."

"'Kay James, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Remus gently set the phone down on its cradle and fell back into bed.

The next day he came in to the Black Center, still a little shaken from his dream, but doing better. "Morning Lils."

"Remus!" Lily cried, jumping on him. "Harry and James are friends!"

"That's great Lil, so everything turned out okay?" Remus said warmly

Lily nodded ecstatically. "They're going out to lunch today. Oh, Sirius is waiting for you!"

"Thanks Lil, tell James to call me." Remus said, with a wave before disappearing into the hall to his room.

He opened the door to his office and saw Sirius sitting in his chair bobbing his head. He crept closer and found Sirius was listening to an iPod. "Sirius?"

No response.

"Sirius?" The dark haired man didn't move. "Sirius!?!" Remus growled low in his throat. "SIRIUS LEE BLACK!"

"What!" Sirius growled. "Jeeze, Remus I was listening to music!"

Remus sat down on the couch. "Morning Sirius, how did you sleep?"

"Okay…"

"Good. So can we talk about the Paril?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "Can you summarize what happened?"

"Basically I used to live at St. Bartholomew's orphanage in Ireland. The Blacks came and adopted me, but they gave me an injection of Paril so I wouldn't remember something important that happened before they adopted me. They took me back here and at some point when I was sixteen gave me more Paril. Whey I was twenty two they sent me back to St. Bartholomew's and I met Regulus and the man I didn't like. I told Regulus to stay away from him, then they gave me more Paril?"

"Good. Except we don't know if it was your parents who gave you Paril." Remus nodded.

"Who else could it have been!" Sirius snapped. "How could someone give me a drug without them knowing!"

"They might have snuck in." Remus shrugged. "I guess your parents probably did know about it though…Sirius do you have any idea about that barcode?"

"No, all I know is that Regulus had one to." Sirius shrugged.

"Do you remember a man named Albus Dumbledore?" Remus asked.

"Nothing." Sirius snapped. "Damn that's a weird name."

"Shush…Just relax…I know you don't want to think back…but I need you to remember….Albus Dumbledore…tell me about him."

Sirius shut his eyes and started to slip into the trance. "Albus….He…white beard…he was old, but he was never tired or acted old."

"Was he the man you were scared of?"

"No…That man I was scared of…Was different. He…Riddle."

"What?" Remus asked, leaning closer.

"I remember Riddle…a guy named Riddle…I think he was the one I was scared of." Sirius murmured.

"Okay, you were scared of Riddle. Why?"

"He was bad….he did something really bad." Sirius rolled over and winced.. "My head hurts, Remus….Stop."

"One more question?"

"Okay…"

"Try and remember the barcode. Do you know what it means?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, please Remus stop! It really hurts!"

"Alright, I'm sorry Sirius." Remus sighed.

Sirius opened his eyes. "Hm? God my head hurts…."

Remus handed him an two Advil pills and a bottle of water. "Take."

Sirius obeyed.

"What were you listening to?" Remus asked.

"System of a Down." Sirius grinned. "They're the best, here listen." He shoved on of the ear pieces in Remus ears and place the other on in his own. Very loud screaming floated into Remus eyes and he scrambled away from it.

"God how can you listen to that!" Remus winced.

"Come on Remus, they rock! Aren't the lyrics so beautiful?" Sirius said dreamily.

"It sounds like someone's dying." The amber eyed man scowled. "Sirius…."

"Hm?"

"What are your parents like?" Remus asked.

"Crazy…They scream and yell. My mom likes to slap. Something's really wrong." Sirius sighed. "Remus do you want to go out for lunch?"

"Yes…But Sirius we have to remain professional right? I'm your psychologist and we shouldn't be so….close."

"Relax Remus." Sirius grinned wickedly. "Haven't you noticed a difference in my behavior?"

"Well….Your not as cold…But Sirius we've been at this for four days, I honestly think we've made no progress." Remus shrugged.

"Why?" Sirius asked. "I feel better."

"Well you still act the same, you're still moody, your not any different. I wasn't expecting anything magical to happen. I think you just trust me a little more."

"Tell me my problems." Sirius growled.

"Well…You don't tend to take things seriously and I think it's a defense mechanism. You're leaving out a lot of detail when I talk to you normally. The only time I see anything is when you're in a trance like state. And even then I don't get many feelings. I get a lot of fear, apathy, and duality from you Sirius. I mean half the time your angry and hurt and the other half your carefree and joking."

Sirius laughed. "Nice Remus, your talking about me like I'm some sort of deeply disturbed maniac."

"Sirius you are deeply disturbed!" Remus growled. "And I don't know how to fix it"

"Maybe I'm not the deeply disturbed one, Remus." Sirius smirked, he folded his hands behind his head and rested his head on them. "Maybe every is like me, but they just don't show it. Maybe all the little people who you think are so perfect and ordinary are the disturbed ones!" Sirius' voice started to get angry and take on a rough growling quality. "Maybe since I show that I'm disturbed I'm the sane one! You know all those people pretend to be sickened by blood and death, but their not." Sirius voice dropped and he leaned closer to Remus.

"They loved it," Sirius eyes glinted furiously. "I don't fucking need to be fixed. Everyone is cracked, Remus. Some people chose not to show it. Just cause they pretend doesn't make them sane or average. It makes them worse. With the people who you claim are disturbed, they show their insanity…They're not broken but you can see the cracks."

Sirius stormed out of the room, leaving Remus to ponder. "Damn it Sirius." He whispered. He was left there alone on that cold Wednesday on November twelfth. "Why the hell do you have to make this so difficult?"


	5. hold me

SEQ CHAPTER h r 1 Gasp Not know who the eagles are! Ahem….FLY EAGLES FLY, ON THE ROAD TO VICTORY! SOAR EAGLES SOAR SCORE A TOUCH DOWN ONE TWO THREE! The eagles are the Philly football team! (I do not watch football much but I adore the eagles! Just cause they rock!) and they are going to the super bowl! MUAHAHA

Why yes, I _am_ only 13 very smug. YAY! I'm actually good at something!

I need ideas for scary/funny movies for m friends sleep ova party so if have any favorite movies (other then love. Actually, LOL, all my friends love it) then please review and tell me! I can only think of the Grudge and the Ring….and Troy….ORLANDO BLOOM ROCKS THE WORLD! Not crazy with ADD…

Remus went in the next day, and the next. But that weekend he didn't leave his house. Remus stayed in his bed, pondering what Sirius said, _They're not broke but you can see the cracks…_The cracks….All Remus could think about were the scars on his back…._The cracks…Nobody can see my cracks…They'd never understand. They'd hate me! God I'm going to hell….I'm going to Hell, mom you were right…_

Remus started to cry into his big white pillow until he couldn't cry any more. He finally fell asleep, secretly praying he wouldn't wake up.

Things continued like this for weeks, and with each passing week Remus called in sick one more day.

By mid November it was at the point where he'd come in two days and sit there like a vegetable and then stay in his apartment for the rest of the week. Remus hadn't talked to Sirius since the twelfth; he'd taken other patients and James had worked with Sirius. Lily was worried, the Blacks didn't understand, Snape offered to go to Remus's house, James was sighing a lot more then he usually did, and Sirius was completely beside himself with worry.

"Is he sick?" Sirius demanded. He was pacing violently across the granite lobby of the Black Center. _Oh god was it something I said? Where is he…What did I do? _Was all that ran through Sirius' mind.

"No." James sighed.

"Well, is he really an alien?" Sirius yelled again. _No, if you hadn't been such a difficult dumb ass he'd be okay!_

"No."

"Did he die?" _Oh my god what if he killed himself? _Sirius screamed mentally. _No, he's too smart to do that…_

"No, you idiot you just saw him yesterday!" James growled.

"Well what the hell is wrong with him!" Sirius shouted.

"I don't know!" James shouted back.

"Yes you do!"

"Oh fine!" James stopped shouting and his voice dropped to a sigh. "It's his birthday on Sunday…."

"So…." Sirius said icily. "How does that matter."

"No, Sirius he always is like this near his birthday." Lily said worriedly. "But he's not usually this bad. He's only like this the week before his birthday."

"We should just let him get over it himself." James huffed.

"No! If he's upset you can't just leave him alone…" Sirius trailed off. He stopped pacing. James and Lily looked over at him.

"It'll only upset him more." James growled.

"But won't he be more upset if we just leave him alone?" Sirius protested.

"No, trust me. He won't want us there." James said coldly. "Now, do not go near his apartment, got that!"

"Yeah…" Sirius stormed out of the building, radiating hate and anger. _Screw them if they think I'm going to leave him alone on his birthday for god's sakes! _

It had gotten much colder, and Sirius was only wearing a light denim jacket, but he really didn't care. He huffed into his Viper and practically flew away. He stopped at the cake shop and ordered the biggest three leveled chocolate cake he could. He demanded it be decorated with black frosting, and big white and red roses everywhere, and also that Remus' name was written in amber frosting.

Sirius then decided he would stop at home and tell his parents that he was staying with Hermione that weekend and not to bother him. He pulled up to the gigantic mansion the blacks owned, he swung open the white double doors and entered the first room of the house.

Dark wood everywhere, a double set of dramatic stair cases that merged into one, it looked like one of those houses from a horror movie.

"GET IN YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW!" His mother shrieked.

"SCREW YOU!" That was Edwards howl.

"Mum!" Sirius yelled with boredom. "I'm staying with Hermione for the weekend."

"SIRIUS DO NOT MOVE!" His mother shouted. "EDWARD BLACK GET IN YOUR ROOM!"

"MY LAST NAME ISN'T BLACK!" Edward screamed back. Sirius sighed and fell into on of the black leather couches that lined the walls.

"WELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?" His mother sneered loudly.

"No…." Edward hissed softly. "BUT I BET YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT YOU BITCH!"

The slap echoed through our the house. "Get in your room. And don't come out." This time Edward complied with a loud slam. "Sirius!"

"Mum."

She hugged him tightly. "Edward is so feisty!"

"You should find him a psychologist." Sirius suggested coldly.

"I know, but I don't know who." His mother sighed. "Do you think I can put him with Remus?"

"Yeah, sure." Sirius shrugged.

"Oh Sirius don't be mad at me!"

"So what's up with Ed?"

"Oh….Well…." She shrugged. "I never told you? Same problem as you…" She laughed nervously. "Doesn't remember a thing!"

"Oh." Sirius growled. "Well I'm staying with Hermione, so don't bug me."

"Sirius are you and her really a couple now?"

"No."

"SIRIUS DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THAT CRAZY BITCH!" Ed screamed.

"SHUT UP EDWARD!" His mother shrieked back at the stairs, she noticed Sirius expression and hissed. "Take the little bastard, not like I want him." before storming away.

"Ed pack your stuff up and meet me in the car." Sirius yelled. He heard something big and heavy fall with a thump on the ground, probably the dresser. He laughed as he watch Edward trip and roll down the stairs. "Jeeze, Ed ever heard of hand eye coordination?"

"No." Ed said sheepishly. "You are my God, Sirius." He said as they left the house.

"I know, worship me."

"She's crazy!" Ed snarled. "I don't even know where she put Paris!"

"What!" Sirius glanced at Ed. "You mean…"

"I don't know where Paris is…Him and…_Dad_ left the other day and they haven't come back." Ed sighed. "He won't remember either will he?"

"No, I don't think so." Sirius sighed. He started to pull away from the house. "C'mon, I'm dropping you off at Hermione's. I have something I have to do."

"Sirius, where have you been?" Ed asked. "I mean you say you with Hermione, I called and asked her and she said she hasn't seen you."

"I'm staying with a friend. James."

"The psychologist!" Ed gasped. "Isn't he like eighty?"

"No, he's thirty."

"Oh….Who's Remus?" Ed asked.

"Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?" Sirius grumbled.

"No, but I have heard that boiling water burns."

"He's my psychologist."

"He's only twenty three…Jeeze Sirius how does he put up with you?" Ed sighed teasingly. Sirius grinned and pulled up at a small house.

"C'mon, Ed."

"Is this Hermione's house?"

"No, we pay her to live here." Sirius explained.

He knocked on the door and was rewarded with a loud, "Coming!"

The door was opened by none other then Hermione Granger, dressed in much too large sweat pants and a tank top. "Sirius!" She gave him a huge hug. "Are we back from Hawaii?"

"Yeah, look 'Mione I have to go something, can you take care of Ed for the weekend? I had to get him out of that house." Sirius grinned.

"Oh! Ed, are they treating you badly?" Hermione asked, hugging the smaller boy.

"Just her bitchyness." Ed scowled. "She's crazy!"

"Yeah, Emily's a little odd." Hermione grinned. "Alright, call me Sirius!"

"See ya, Mione," Sirius laughed. "Ed, don't drive her crazy."

"Oh I will!" Ed shouted as Sirius drove off.

In the mean time, Sirius bought as many flowers as he could fit in the car while still saving room for the cake. He went to the jewelry store and bought Remus a gold necklace with a pair of wings on it. He also bought Remus a huge fur coat, and made reservations at the best restaurant in town for the next day.

Then of course he bought Remus three different Armani suits and a new one for himself. _Why the hell am I doing all this? _Sirius thought angrily. _He's my bloody psychologist…besides…I'm not into him…Am I? _The darkest most disturbed corner of his mind answered. _Of course you are…You're insane about him. But of course he doesn't like you. He never will….You're insane, you're scary…You're to much trouble for anyone to deal with. _

Sirius shook his doubts from his mind and pressed on to the cake shop again. The cake was so big they had it on a wagon. Sirius wheeled the wagon into the backseat of the car using a big wooden ramp.

He drove to Remus' apartment and carefully wheeled the cake from out of the back seat. Okay, so it was a day early for it to be Remus's birthday, but still, Remus had been alone too long. He draped the suits and the fur coat on his arm.

He found himself standing in the stair hall, debating whether to knock on Remus door. Finally he decided. "Remus? Remus Lupin, open this door right now!" Sirius yelled.

"What the hell do you want, James?" Remus shouted.

"It's Sirius you dumb ass!"

"Same question!"

"Because it's your birthday and you shouldn't spend in alone in your room!" Sirius shouted back.

"Get lost."

"Aw, come on Remus!" Sirius yelled. "I brought you presents!"

"Sirius just _go away_, do you not get it?"

"Obviously I don't." Sirius said with a grin. "You'll have to explain this concept of 'go away' to my face."

The door was swung open to reveal an obviously distressed and miserable Remus. Sirius expected Remus to look like hell, with red puffy eyes and blotchy skin. Inside Remus looked perfect. He wore tears like women wore jewels, he cloaked himself in misery as women wore perfume. His golden waves were mused as if he'd been rolling around in bed. "Go. Away." Remus growled. Before he could slam the door shut Sirius recovered his wit and held out a bunch of flowers.

"I bought them for you…." Sirius said smoothly. Remus looked from the flowers to disbelief at Sirius.

"You actually bought me flowers…." Remus looked up at Sirius. "This is a joke."

"No, of course not." Sirius said warmly. "I even brought you a cake!" He moved to the side so Remus could see the gigantic cake and the smaller man's eyes grew at least three times their normal size. "Now can I come in?"

Remus just sort of stumbled from his spot blocking the door to the side of the door and let Sirius wheel in the cake, drag in the heaps of flowers and hand Remus the suits. "Sirius you bought all this stuff for me?"

"No, I bought them for your twin." Sirius said teasingly. "Remus, I…James told me that you were upset because it was your birthday tomorrow," Sirius noticed the smaller man's face darken. "Of course he only told me that little tidbit. So, on my dashing steed I galloped around London, buying you the best gifts I could get my grubby little hands on."

Remus smiled. "That is the prettiest cake I've ever seen."

"Oh, it cost me a lot….." Sirius grumbled.

Remus grinned and cheekily added, "Well you didn't have to buy me anything."

"True…" Sirius took a step closer to Remus. "But you shouldn't be alone on your birthday…."

"It's the day before my birthday." Remus protested jokingly.

"Birthday, day before…" Sirius shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"Not to you." Remus scowled, bitterness drenched his words.

Sirius sighed. "C'mon, Remus, birthdays aren't that bad." He silenced the smaller man's protest by gently placing two fingers on his lips. "Now shut up and come eat your cake. Or I shall be forced to eat it all myself."

Remus smiled and gently pushed Sirius' fingers off his lips while insinuating himself just a step closer to the other man, and suddenly a wave of claustrophobia washed over Sirius, but a good kind of claustrophobia. _Well then it wouldn't be claustrophobia_, Sirius thought slyly. _Or maybe it would be. _"I'd love it if you'd join my in eating this lovely cake you got me," Remus said in a very seductive 'come-hither' voice.

And so Sirius wheeled the cake over to the couch and with Remus' help set it on the coffee table. While Remus stared at the cake Sirius went to get silverware. He returned with two forks.

"Sirius that isn't silverware! Those are forks!" Remus protested.

"Do not mock the forks, for they are the God of silverware!" Sirius accused. He shoved on into Remus hand. "Liberate yourself…eat the cake, using just that fork."

Remus looked from the cake, to Sirius, to the fork, and back to that cake. "…Can I?"

"You can do it, Remus." Sirius said dramatically.

Remus gingerly poked the cake with the fork before retreating into the couch, staring at the cake in horror. "I can't!"

"You have to!"

Remus gulped set the fork down on the top layer of the cake. He took a deep breath, and shut his eyes. One amber eye popped open nervously to give Sirius a questioning glance. Sirius nodded, eyes sparkling. Remus shut the offending eye and took another deep breath.

It was like slow motion; he slowly stabbed the fork into the cake and brought it out, holding a small bit of rich chocolate cake on the end. Remus quickly shoved it into his mouth, chewed it, and then gasped. "I….wow…"

"You've never eaten a cake without a knife and a plate before? God, I thought you were just pretending to be scared of eating it!" Sirius asked skeptically.

"No…I…I just never had my own cake!" Remus exclaimed before attacking the cake. Sirius starred for a moment. Remus looked over at him and with a mouth full of cake asked, "What?"

"You never had a birthday cake?"

Remus shook his amber head.

"Your parents never got you a birthday cake."

Remus shrugged. "It made me sick…I…uh…Money…We didn't really celebrate birthdays…" _Well not at least in the normal ways. _Remus added silently.

Sirius could tell Remus was lying about something, but he ignored it and forced a grin. "Can I have some?"

Remus nodded quickly before attacking the cake again. Sirius couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong with Remus' depression around his birthday, but never the less he forced a laugh and tried to forget about the cake incident.

Less then five minutes later they were arguing over the last rose.

"Sirius, I'm the birthday boy!"

"But I'm hungry!" Sirius complained. "I let you have all the biggest roses, can't I just get a little one?"

"Siri!" Remus moaned. "Look at the rose! Poor, lonely, thin, just sitting there, begging for a friend. I'm sure he and the white rose were lovers! They had a little home in Spain for those cold nights-"

"Remus, it's a bloody candy flower!" Sirius laughed.

"Oh…Mine!" Remus snatched the flower and devoured it. Sirius shot him a filthy look. The amber eyed man just grinned. "What other birthday surprises have you gotten me, oh knight in shining armor?"

"Well," Sirius smirked. "I did make us reservations at Roy's."

Remus' eye went as wide as melons. "_The_ Roy's! The really expensive Hawaiian fusion place?"

"Oh yes, the Roy's. And I got us a special seat on the VIP deck."

"VIP?" Remus asked. "Virtual Information Processor?"

"No!" Sirius snickered. "My naïve friend, VIP in this case means very important person."

"Oh." Remus sighed. "Wow….Sirius, are you really doing all this for me?"

"Remus I strongly believe in elaborate birthday parties…Which is why I also bought you this." Sirius produced a tiny black velvet box, bearing the gold necklace.

Remus curiously took the box, and opened it with a careful hand. To see the expression on Remus' face again just one more time Sirius would have paid a million pounds. Remus's face practically glowed. His eyes were so huge and warm that for a moment he thought molten amber would start to ooze out of them like lava from a volcano. The normally half lidded dreamy look was long gone. His lips curled into the most genuine true smile Sirius had ever seen on his face. "You…." Remus's voice was a harsh whisper as he lifted to pendant out of the box.

Sirius gestured for Remus to turn around, and Remus shifted his position on the couch so Sirius could fasten the pendant in place. "It looks good on you." The pair of dangling wings fell just a little left of his heat.

"You…Bought me this!" Remus gasped again.

Sirius smiled warmly. "I'd buy you that entire jewelry store."

"Oh yeah, I'd look great in chandler earrings." Remus remarked sarcastically. "Sirius…"

"Actually you would."

Remus shot him a sarcastic pout. "I…I'm not sure what to say….."

"Sirius, you are dead sexy and I want you right now?" Sirius suggested and got a whack on the head for it. "God Remus, if you keep doing that I'll end up with serious brain damage!"

Remus chuckled.

"It's a very serious issue Remus!" Sirius protested, causing Remus to laugh harder. "Fine, don't listen to me."

"Sirius, your poor brain is already so damaged I doubt even I can mend it."

"Hm…" Sirius smirked. "Go pick your favorite suit."

"Suit?"

"For dinner tomorrow, I can't have anything less then a perfect ornament on my arm."

Remus gathered the suits in his arms with a sarcastic chortle. "I'll be out in a minute."

Remus did in fact emerge a minute later, dressed in a slightly drab grey suit.

"Turn around." Sirius commanded. Remus did. "Nope, strip."

"What's wrong with it!" Remus growled.

"The cut's unflattering, it's far too baggy, and the color is just…Blah." Sirius explained, punctuating the blah with a face. "Go try the other two on."

"But I don't like either one of them!" Remus protested.

"…"

"Fine!" Remus huffed. He emerged again this time in a well fitting black suit. "Better?"

"Eh…A little." Sirius shrugged.

"What!" Remus exclaimed. "It's perfect!"

"It looks good, but…Just good." Sirius shrugged.

"Well I'm wearing it." Remus huffed. "Night."

"Hey! It's only ten we have to go out and get drunk." Sirius gasped, nearly falling off the couch.

"No thanks…You can." Remus slipped into his room. "Erm…G'night Sirius."

"Sleep tight Rems." Sirius said with the best smile he could manage. The door closed and Sirius felt as thought he'd been shut out of something extremely important. It was like being shut out of Remus's heart. As cliché as it was…The sad thing is that most cliché's are the truth, or at least based on it.

So Sirius watched TV late into the night and it was about one when he heard whimpers coming from Remus room. Sirius looked back at TV and attempted to ignore the progressively loud whimpers and moans. Finally Sirius tip toed over to Remus' room. He gently grasped the door knob and froze just as he started to turn it. _What if he doesn't want me? What if he doesn't want my help…_He heard a choked scream and made up his mind as he opened the door just a sliver.

Remus was lying on his bed whimpering. His arms curled around the pillow. His eyes were closed. Sirius took a step closer and realized Remus was dreaming, deeply asleep. Sirius considered waking Remus, but the logical part of his mind fled at those whimpers coming from Remus' angelic face.

And who can deny an angel? An angel's face that demanded to be forced into a smile, an angel's hair that demanded to be touched, and stroked, and an angel's broken wings which begged to be mended. Sirius crawled carefully onto the bed, and sitting near Remus, tenderly brushed Remus' hair from his eyes. The younger man's tense pout relaxed just slightly, just for a moment.

Sirius, logical thoughts completely locked away, lay down next to Remus and gathered the smaller man into his arms. He expected Remus to struggle or push away. But instead Remus moved in closer, curled his head into Sirius' shoulder, and draped a leg gracefully over Sirius' keeping him from moving.

Sirius smiled and relaxed into the soft white pillows. After a few minutes Remus' whimpers subsided and he fell into a peaceful sleep. Only then did Sirius join him.

A/N: Beware the cuteness. Sorry this chapter took longer then the other ones, but it is no longer the weekend and I had a math test today. UGH. And a Latin and music one tomorrow, so…Yesh, I am busy.

Btw: CitrusPeach u rock! Lol!


	6. don't wake me

Remus woke up to sunlight streaming over his body and the white sheets and bed. He sighed contentedly and cuddled closer to his white pillow. He froze suddenly as he realized this thing he was curled around was not his white pillow. In fact this thing was more curled around him. This thing was warm and breathing. Remus looked up slowly and was greeted with a shock of thick raven hair, spilling over his neck and chest.

Remus let out a choked gasp and scrambled away from Sirius Black…who was in his bed. Sirius opened one electric blue eye with a small smirk. "Morning."

"Morning!" Remus shrieked. "What the fuck are you doing in my bed?"

"What'd you mean what am I doing in your bed?" Sirius mimicked. "I'm sleeping, bloody hell." He rolled over, jokingly, but Remus was lost on the joke. He whacked Sirius in the head with a pillow as hard as he could.

"Why the hell are you in my bed!" Remus yelled. "What possessed you to crawl in bed with me!"

Sirius growled. "Remus. Fucking relax it's not like we did anything."

"Answer the question!" Remus snarled.

"You were having a bad dream!" Sirius argued. "So I came in, and I just…"

"So you thought it was appropriate to crawl into bed with me?" Remus screamed.

"Well you seemed to like it juts fine!" Sirius yelled back.

"I was asleep, you dumbass!" Remus yelled. "What makes you think you can just crawl in bed with me?"

"Well, I'm sure most people would enjoy waking up with me in their bed!" Sirius snarled. "Besides, the ladies seem to like it well enough."

"SO THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT?" Remus screamed, he curled onto the other side of the bed his back turned from Sirius. "I'm just another ego boost for you, another nameless face you play with huh?"

Sirius started to crawl over, "No! Remus that's not it at all…I just didn't like to hear you upset." He reached out a hand to touch Remus' shoulder, but the smaller man whipped around and yanked the hand away.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Remus bellowed. "DID I ASK FOR YOUR COMFORT? DID I FUCKING NEED IT? NO!"

"Don't yell at me!" Sirius screamed back. "What is wrong with you?"

"Get out!" Remus yelled. "I don't need you invading my space and then calling me a freak!"

"No! I'm not getting out until you tell me why the hell you're so upset about this! It's not a big deal!" Sirius finished in a low hiss.

"Because!" Remus insisted his eyes blazing. "This is my space! My personal space, and if I didn't ask you to come in, I don't want you in! I want you OUT!"

"What is your problem?" Sirius screamed, throwing a pillow at Remus' head.

"You! You and your little playboy masquerade!" Remus yelled, throwing another pillow right back.

"Screw you!"

"Screw you more!" Remus screamed.

"Screw you most!"

"Screw you plus two anything you say!"

Sirius threw up his arms in exasperation. "Fine! Fine Remus, just stay in your dark little room!" Sirius turned around and started to leave.

"Just walk out on me like you do everyone else." Remus sneered.

Sirius whirled around suddenly the picked up the lamp and threw it with all his strength at the wall next to Remus. "I DON'T WALK OUT ON PEOPLE!" Sirius screamed.

The lamp shattered on the wall, one piece just barely missing Remus' face. The shade fell with a small thump on the wooden floor. "I'm not walking out," Sirius panted,

The amber eyed man stood there practically frozen with a mix of shock and fear. Remus started to shake, but his eyes remained steady. His amber eyes were swirling and glazed over with tears, and they were lost, completely lost. But the menacing rage there was undeniable. "Then get out."

"Dinner's at eight, come or don't." Sirius said harshly, his voice raw and torn from screaming. He slammed the door to Remus's bedroom, and then slammed the door to the apartment.

Remus didn't move until he heard the ding of the elevator. He walked calmly to the kitchen, got a broom, and went back to his bedroom. He started to sweep up the shards of glass, and he started to sob. He clung tightly to the broom as he swept, but he wouldn't stop. He kept sweeping and sobbing, ignoring any emotions and keeping fixed to his task. But he didn't have enough self control to stop the tears.

In the elevator Sirius slammed his fist against the wooden wall of the box. "DAMN IT!" he yelled, banging his fist into the wall again and again, he switched walls and attacked the other wall violently, until his knuckles were red and throbbing. He stormed out of the apartment and back into his car.

Sirius drove away as fast as he could, knowing full well that no police car would ever stop a Black.

Remus fell into bed and slept off the hurt. When he woke up, all he felt was a fresh wave of frustration with not only Sirius, but with himself. Why am I such a freak? I don't even care about Sirius that much! I hardly know him. The other corner of his mind slithered in. Hardly? You know him better then any human alive…But he doesn't know about you. You freak.

His mind drifted back, years and years ago. As he lay in bed he was reminded of how he would lay in bed when he was a teenager. A scared and lonely teen with nowhere to go. He would curl up with his stuffed animal, that he hid in his bottom draw while his parents would fight.

The fights could go on for hours, but sometimes they only lasted minutes before the violence started. His mother would throw something. His father would hurl something expensive back, glass or a lamp. It usually would miss his mother, but once or twice she got a few cuts.

She'd scream louder. He'd kick holes in the wall because she'd break if he kicked her that hard. When this happened Remus would curl closer to his stuffed animal, knowing what was inevitably coming.

He'd slap her, and then she'd punch him. He would scream louder and throw her in their room and lock the door. He would storm upstairs to Remus's room. And he would quickly hide the stuffed animal in the draw when he heard those heavy footsteps pound up the stairs.

Remus was never sure whether to dread or praise those footsteps. Usually he ended up dreading them, but occasionally he would praise the owner of those large feet silently as if he were a god.

Remus couldn't imagine love without violence. It seemed natural to him back then. And at some point it still did today. So now he lay in bed pondering how similar Sirius and his father were. How they both threw the lamp. How they were both so violent and so passionate, a deadly combination.

Remus fell into another sleep, only this one was completely dreamless. He woke up again, and checked the clock on his phone. It was three. And now the next big question, meet Sirius for dinner or not? I don't want to ever see him again! His logical mind ranted, but the other side of his mind sniggered. Stay in bed and he'll just think you're weak and pitiful. Go out, look sexy, and spite his ass. Remus, against his better logic and his sanity, grinned evilly and took a very long shower.

He took the time to carefully blow dry his wavy locks, they puffed out from his head, in brilliant shades of gold and crimson. He scowled at his hair and had a tv lunch, the news was boring, nothing about Regulus or the Blacks.

At seven he started to slip into his suit, when his eyes fell on the third one Sirius' bought him. He carefully took it out of its plastic wrap. The suit was crushed dark crimson velvet. The shirt had a modest frill at the neck that would be seen through the V neck of the double breasted suit jacket, and just a little frill would drape over his wrists. Remus sniggered. I'll look like a hooker in this…perfect. I'm going to make that stupid bastard so jealous…

The pants turned out to be rather low cut and…tight. But Remus banished his blush and checked the time again. Remus took one last look in the mirror, his hair had settled, but was very…sparkly and just…too sparkly. He looked like a skinny hooker, but that was okay.

Grinning, Remus put on round toed boots with at least one inch of extra height. He slipped the fur coat over his hooker get up and let his door slam. The sound echoed through the hall, but he didn't mind. Usually he hated annoying his neighbors anyway, but tonight he was all rebel attitude and fuck you spirit.

He walked out of the building and caught a taxi. He was ten minutes late by the time he got to Roy's. Usually Remus was never late, but in fuck you spirit he was tonight. He approached the hostess with a very charming smile. "Is Sirius Black here?"

"Oh, of course." She blushed. "Can I take your coat." Remus shrugged off his chat and handed it to her. "Follow me please." He followed her up a flight of stairs in the back of the restaurant and was taken through one main room, but in the very back was a darker area. "May I ask why you're meeting him?"

"Business," Remus said vaguely. All he could see was Sirius Black, arm splayed over the back of his booth, raven hair falling around his face and cold eyes glowing. The area was filled with candles that gave the dinner a romantic overcast. Remus felt anything but romantic. The booth was round and encompassing, save for an opening where Remus slipped in.

"Remus." Sirius said coldly. "I'm surprised you decided to leave your precious bedroom."

"Where's your harem?" Remus sneered.

"Hungry?" Sirius asked.

"Oh very." Remus picked up the menu without looking away from Sirius's eyes.

"May I take your order, sirs?"

"Oh yes." Sirius smirked, his eyes never leaving Remus'. "We'll have that appetizer platter for two."

"Extra hot." Remus growled, Sirius shot him an amused cold smirk.

"Lobster please." Sirius said challengingly.

"And I want the most expensive thing on the menu." Remus growled, still starring at Sirius.

"Champagne?"

"Most expensive bottle you have." Sirius nodded. The waitress left and Sirius leaned closer to Remus. "Looking away in shame yet Remus?"

"Not before you, you bastard!" Remus snarled. "Besides I'm not the one who threw the lamp."

Sirius drew back, still glaring. "You baited me, Remus."

"And you're insane." Remus retorted.

"Or maybe you're the crazy one." Sirius hissed.

"Maybe you are." Remus said equally harshly. "Who threw the lamp?"

Sirius slammed his palms on the table. "You're doing it again, Remus."

Remus' own knuckles were pure white from pressing his fingers into the table so hard. They sat there glaring at each other until the food came. Sirius twirled his fork in his slender fingers, still keeping up the staring contest. The appetizer was set in front of them. "Hungry?"

Sirius stabbed his fork violently into a dumping and ate it whole. Remus sneered and quickly popped some sort of dumpling into his mouth. They continued like this until the last dumpling. Remus stabbed forward, but Sirius was quicker. They starred up at each other at exactly at the same moment. Blue eyes locked onto amber for a moment, and Remus saw a flash of regret, maybe even humor in those blue eyes. "Looks like I'm quicker."

"Quick as a little bunny." Remus growled, leaning back in the booth. "Don't worry, I already knew you were fast though."

Sirius stopped mid bite just to stare.

"What?!" Remus hissed.

Sirius slowly continued chewing. "Fuck you."  
"What did I do now!?" Remus almost yelled. "You can never have enough, can you." It wasn't a question.

"Oh grow up." Sirius retorted. "Do you think I said fuck you because I'm actually angry with you? I said it because you always manage to make me feel like shit!"

"Yeah, well, you should!" Remus snarled. "Look at you, you're just baiting me. You like this don't you?"

"Oh yes, I love arguing with my psychologist!" Sirius' voice dropped to a harsh whisper.

"Why the hell do you always make things more difficult?" Remus accused again.

"Because you are so single minded!" Sirius stood up quickly, slamming his palms into the table again, this time causing the glass to shake.

Remus stood up and slammed the table himself. "Would it kill you to follow the blood rules?! Psychologists and patients don't have dinners together! And they damn well don't sleep together!"

"Fuck you!" Sirius screamed.

"Gladly!" Remus screamed back. Sirius hardly registered the words, he had already swept all the china off the table, and grabbed Remus's jacket collar. The smaller man hardly protested as he was dragged roughly onto the table. Sirius froze for a moment as the situation actually sunk in, but Remus didn't.

He wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck and pressed his lips against Sirius. Dark hair spilled around Remus' shoulders, and Sirius' lips pulled into a little O against Remus' mouth.

In seconds Remus' tongue was in Sirius' mouth and Sirius' tongue was attacking. It was a possessive battle of tongues and teeth. They nipped violently back and forth in the most stunning battle of kisses the staff had ever seen.

"My money's on the blonde."

"Nah, the other' guys got it for sure."

"I think blondie's gonna win."

"But see Mr. Sexy black hair is longer."

"Ah…"

Subconsciously, Sirius had pulled Remus onto his lap and wrapped his arms around Remus's neck. Sirius curled his hands in Remus's hair and yanked, just hard enough for Remus to feel it. Suddenly Remus was pushed unceremoniously onto the booth onto his back with Sirius pressing him down. "Surrender?"

"Bite me." Remus retorted.

"Gladly."

The battle was on again, expect this time on the booth. Sirius was kneeled over Remus, with his hands pressed against either side of Remus's head, while Remus's hands were tightly around Sirius's neck pulling him closer so Remus could have better tongue access.

Remus pulled himself up using Sirius's neck, still kissing passionately. Suddenly Sirius' eyes flew wide open as his knee slipped of the booth. Remus remained oblivious to this and clung tighter to Sirius neck and pulling himself more upright, until Sirius had slid half under the table, and then the taller man fell with a plop onto the ground, followed closely by Remus on top of him.

"Who's the top dog now?" Remus smirked.

"I'm not sure, it's very dark down here." Sirius joked. "And I probably have a concussion."

"Oh shut up." Remus scoffed.

"That suit looks very nice on you." Sirius pushed Remus gently off. He crawled out from under the table, following his psychologist. He helped Remus to his feet and left five hundred pounds on the table. He wrapped an arm around Remus waist and let his hand curl around the amber eyed man's hip bone as they started to walk out of the restaurant, Remus's fur coat all bur forgotten. "Apartment?"

"Mhm…" Remus nodded, snuggling closer to Sirius and draping an arm around his shoulders. "All this yelling got me tired."

Sirius grinned. "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Yeah, I don't feel like being alone." Remus sighed.

"You know even if you'd said no I'd still crawl in with you."

Remus surprised him then by turned and wrapping both arms around his neck. He stood on his tip toes to reach Sirius ear. "I know…And that's what makes me like you."

"That'll I'll rape you in the middle of the night?"

"No," Remus smiled. "That you care enough to go through all this again tomorrow just so I don't have bad dreams."

Sirius grinned into Remus's ear. "You're the best psychologist I ever had."

"Yeah, I betcha the other ones didn't sleep with you." Remus snorted.

"Well they would've, but I do have standards."

"And do I meet those standards?"

"Baby, you're so far above my standard I can hardly breathe when I see you."

Remus blushed and pushed Sirius away from his ear. "Stop teasing me."

If only I were…Sirius thought with an odd mix of humor and sadness. If only I were…This would be so much easier.

A/N: Muahahahahahah, beware the dysfunction. Again reviewers u rock my socks off! And everyone bow down to my beta megaotaku….you light up my life. LOL, I love saying that!

HI! I'm megaotaku, or Hitome. Wabbitsox's beta. Don't worry, I won't be commenting often. Just wanted to give a little shoutout to everyone out there enjoying this fic as much as I am. I personally loved this chapter, how 'bout you? Oh, and I'm also apologizing. This chapter has been done for a day and a half, but I haven't had a chance to edit it because I had to study for a huge test. So no yelling at wabbitsox!


	7. answer me

It was Monday morning, and Remus was newly twenty four. He awoke and blinked, taking in the sight beside him. The sight was Sirius Black, curled around Remus, arms tightly around the smaller man's chest. Last night was a blur to Remus, and all he knew was that they hadn't had sex…Other then that he didn't quiet know how far they'd gone. This morning there were no golden rays of sunlight streaming through the window. In fact, it was miserable and grey out, but Sirius's hair still spilled around him like black silk.

But despite the weather, he was still warm. Remus glanced over at his clock and sighed. It was already nine; he would have to go to Hell. He sat up, smiling warmly at Sirius. He planted the tiniest kiss on Sirius's head before flipping his legs off the bed.

Suddenly, something latched around his wrist and yanked him back into bed. Remus went sprawling backwards over Sirius' chest with an indignant cry of "Sirius!"

Sirius yawned casually and opened one eye, "Morning honey." He yawned again and draped an arm over Remus's chest. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Sirius Lee Black, let me go this instant!" Remus growled, struggling like a bug in a spider web. "I have to work!" Sirius's arm tightened around him and drew Remus up next to Sirius' face.

"Yup, I'm right here."

"Sirius, what are you talking about?" Remus sighed.

"I am your work, so get crackin'!"

Remus huffed and pushed Sirius's arm away. "Really, I do have to work."

"Fine, but I'm driving you!" Sirius insisted from bed as Remus went to take a shower. Remus emerged fifteen minutes later. He opened the door to see a pair of electric blue orbs starring at him.

The amber eyed man's heart skipped a beat before he realized it was Sirius. "Sirius, what the hell?" he pushed Sirius onto the bed. "Now let's go."

"Let's? As in we?"

"You offered to drive me."

"AUGH!" Sirius hissed, crawling out of bed and into a shirt. "Fine….But I want snuggling rights later."

"Who said there was going to be a later?" Remus snapped suddenly. Sirius looked back at him from the door of the bedroom, blue eyes widened lightly. Remus winced as he saw the hurt in those eyes. "Sirius I-"

"No, I understand." Sirius shrugged, "One night thing, no problem." He walked away before Remus could say something else.

_Why do I always screw everything up?_ Remus scolded himself mentally. He grabbed a coat and prepared himself for a very awkward drive.

The drive to The Black Center was awkward indeed, Remus kept saying things along the lines of, "Dreadful weather…."

"Oh yes…" Sirius would agree. "Good for the flowers though."

"Ah…Yes, the flowers…"

"Flowers…" Sirius had echoed.

"Horrible weather."

"Awful."

"……" Remus glanced out the window. _Well, this was a great finish to a romantic date…Well actually…a violently romantic date…_Remus smiled briefly. _Just how I like it._ Sirius looked up into the rearview mirror and stole a glance at Remus smiling. He just stared for a moment, admiring the beauty that was Remus Lupin. Remus started to look back at him and Sirius allowed his eyes to stay fixed on the mirror.

Remus looked up at the mirror, blue eyes met amber for a moment. Sirius's eyes were remorseful, and powerful, _I need you._ Remus blushed angrily, but his eyes revealed his contradicting feelings, _I know. _

Sirius stopped the car and the two sat there for a moment. "Do you need me to pick you up?" Sirius ventured.

"No thanks." Remus answered quickly. "I-uh-Rain's good for your hair." He nearly dashed out of the car, and ran into the Black Center, thanking god for letting it rain so he had a good excuse to run from the car other then the fact was, he didn't want to see Sirius any longer.

That day, he talked to Harry again, nothing special…It was a painfully normal day. Lily and James were overly affectionate and cuddle-y, which dampened Remus's spirits further. He spent the afternoon in the library reading Stephen King books.

Stephen King actually wasn't that good of a writer; sometimes his dialogue was a little off, and it was incredibly hard to read. But still, it freaked him out, so every now and then Remus would glance over his shoulder and make sure nothing was there.

Remus left at around five thirty and walked home though the pouring rain. _Sirius_…He thought miserably. _I'm sorry. I guess your can't really hear what I'm thinking right now, but I'm sorry I'm too fucked up to be what you want. I wish I'd let you pick me up; this is miserable._ A car zoomed by and splashed him with muddy brown water. Remus growled and pressed on.

He reached his home, changed into a comfortable pair of pajama pants and fell onto the couch with a tub of ice cream. "That's it Remus, just act like a depressed high school girl," he growled. "Fine. I will." He sighed, "God, I'm talking to myself." He knew he was only talking to himself because he was scared of his apartment. It was silly, but Remus was still afraid Carrie's mom would leap out and scream dirty pillows at him.

He flicked on the news and watched the image of a pretty, but fake, brunette fill the screen. "We finally have an advancement in the case of the murder of Regulus Black! The Irish police found a record of the attempted murder of a child who also attended St. Bartholomew's Center for Children.

"The file dates back thirteen years ago. The file covers the case of… Well, the child's name remains unknown, and the orphanage won't give us a name. However, the file states that the child left the safety of the orphanage and wandered into the forest at twelve p.m. on December second. He would found by Albus Dumbledore later that night. The boy was found with cross shaped cuts on the inside of both wrists, and the words, 'life isn't so wonderfull' were painted onto his chest with his own blood.

"The boy was almost bled dry. Albus Dumbledore found him and brought him back to St. Bartholomew's." The woman put on a puzzled expression and there was an awkward silence. "The boy survived by a series of…blood transfusions. Blood transfusions can be deadly if the blood type of the donor and recipient don't match. The orphanage refuses to give details about what blood type or at what hospital the blood was given to the boy. Police suspect that the blood transfusion did not take place in a hospital and there were no tests performed on the donor's blood to make sure it was safe before the transfusions. It's a miracle the boy's donor had the same blood type as him, don't you agree Tom?"

"Oh yes." The man next to her said. "This killer is still on the loose, so please parents, keep your children near you at all times. If you have any information about Regulus Black or the unknown boy's whereabouts please call the police." He cleared his throat. "In breaking news, Severus Snape, a chemistry professor at the London Academy for Boys was found dead this morning. It appears his body was found by students early today on the front lawn of the campus. It appeared that he jumped from the window of the chemistry lab, but the police say there was blood all over his classroom and Snape's body was bled almost dry. Written on his chalk board were the words, 'isn't life wonderfull?' Wonderful, of course, was spelled with two 'L's.

"We assume the killer was the same man who killed Regulus, due to the lack of blood in the corpse and the same cryptic message left at the scene. The motives are unknown, but police suspect the killer might have to do with the Black family. Severus Snape was a friend of Kennith Dawson, a temporary psychologist to Sirius Black."

Remus turned the tv off with a shaking hand and dropped the remote. _They came after Snape…'cause he knew about Sirius…he read __Dawson__'s notes…Oh god…I'm…I know about Sirius too!_ Remus starred out the window at the pouring rain and trembled violently. He walked over to the wall phone and with shaking fingers dialed the Blacks number. It took him three tries to get it right, but he was finally rewarded with the ring tone.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Erm…" Remus took a deep breath. "This is Remus Lupin. I need to speak with Sirius Black?"

"EDWARD, YOU LITTLE SHIT, GIVE ME THE PHONE!"

Remus heard Emily's shrieking cry even through the phone line. "Is this Edward?"

"Yeah…You're Sirius's psychologist?" The boy's harsh tone faded.

"Yeah…look, I really have to talk to him." Remus insisted, looking nervously at his suddenly very imposing-looking door.

"He's not here, but I'll give you his cell phone number. It's 162-666-6612."

Remus froze on the other line….The barcode…He thoughts drifted to the barcode burnt onto Sirius' lower back. It was 66612. He finally managed to speak. "Thank you Edward…"

"Call me Ed, um…look….I-Sirius-He's a lot better now."

"What do you mean 'better'?" Remus asked.

"I dunno…he's just better." Ed shrugged. "I wanna get better too…"

Remus smiled on the other line. "Can you skip school?"

"Yup, I can ask Sirius to come and get me tomorrow at lunch; after that I just have study hall and gym," Edward said mischievously.

"Good…Well, thanks Ed."

"Don't mention it."

"See you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

Remus gently placed the phone on the cradle before dialing Sirius' cell phone. A loud burst of thunder shook the apartment.

"What the fuck do you want?" Sirius answered roughly.

Remus started to tremble again and he didn't say anything. Thunder boomed over the sky. He could tell Sirius was getting worried on the other line, but Remus couldn't speak for a moment.

"Remus?"

"I-Sirius-" Suddenly the front door started to rattle violently. It was locked. Remus started to whimper; he couldn't choke out the words running through his mind. _Sirius, help me! I'm scared…They're coming to get me!_ There was another loud boom of thunder, and lightning whipped across the sky, illuminating the dark room for a moment, the shadows seemed to jump along with Remus' heart.

"Remus!"

The rattling on the door turned into loud steady pounds. Remus felt tears well up in his eyes and suddenly the TV flicked on. All the lights went out. The screen was all static. Remus crumpled to his knees on the ground. "Sirius, I'm scared."

Remus could hear the jerk of a steering wheel and the scratch of rubber on the road. "What's that noise?"

"The TV."

"Sounds like static."

"It is." Remus almost started to sob, but he didn't. He couldn't. Something inside him would not allow him to cry. Somehow crying didn't seem appropriate.

"Why are you watching static!"

"I'm not."

"Then why do I hear it?" Sirius screamed. He could tell something was wrong with Remus, but the amber eyed man wasn't telling him. He always screamed when he was nervous.

"It turned on by itself."

"Then turn it off." Sirius hissed.

"I…I'm scared."

"OF WHAT!"

Remus shuddered as the pounding started again, louder and fiercer then before.

"Remus, who the fuck is pounding on your door!" Sirius yelled.

"I don't know…someone who doesn't want me to know abut the Paril." Remus said softly.

On the other line Sirius was silent. "Call the police, now."

"Can't. Then I'd have to hang up on you." Remus winced at the pounding. He wanted to move closer to the wall and turn his back from the shadows, but he couldn't find the energy to move.

"Remus…" Sirius moaned helplessly. "God, just…is the door locked?"

"Yes."

"Are you hurt?"

"No…" Remus whispered. "Sirius, please!"

"Talk Remus!" Sirius snarled. "Tell me about your day."

"I missed you, it was wet and miserable. I talked to Harry, him and James are getting along…I…On the news…"

"What was on the news!"

"Snape…he's dead. It's the same person who killed Regulus. They bled him dry and wrote 'isn't life wonderfull' on the chalk board." Remus said softly. With wide amber eyes, he glanced back at the door.

"Oh god." Sirius breathed. "Remus don't move, I'll be up in a second."

"NO!" Remus screamed hoarsely. "Don't get off the phone!"

"Shush…" Sirius said soothingly. "I'm in the elevator."

"…What if he hurts you?" Remus whispered dryly. The pounding on the door stopped suddenly, and then Remus sat in complete darkness and silence, save for the steady fizzle of the static. There was a tiny tap on the door. "Sirius?" Remus asked. He dropped the phone, and walked slowly over to the door.

In the elevator Sirius started to smile, thinking Remus was finally safe. The elevator jerked to a stop, and Sirius couldn't hear Remus breathing through the phone. He heard a tiny knock on Remus' door. "REMUS! REMUS! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!" Sirius screamed into the phone.

But the phone was dangling on the wall, swinging slightly. Remus was at the door, shaking hand touching the door knob. "Sirius?"

"REMUS DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!" Sirius screamed. He kept screaming frantically, before collapsing on the wall, almost in tears. He crumpled to the floor, his knees giving beneath him. "Remus…Don't open the door! I'm here, Remus pick up the phone!" he sobbed into the cell phone. He looked at it disgusted and threw it with all his strength against the elevator wall. The cell phone cover and back broke off and the battery cluttered to the floor.

He was up in a furry of raven hair and furious dancing blue eyes. He banged against the door and rammed against it as hard as he could. Sirius yelled in frustration before seeing the button marked with a red bell. He hit the fire alarm bell with a triumphant smirk. "REMUS, DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!"

Remus's hand closed around the door knob, when suddenly a loud cry reached his ears. "Sirius?"

"Open the door, Remus."

Remus backed away from the door startled. That isn't Sirius's voice…Suddenly the fire bell in the elevator screeched through the room and Remus glared at the door. "You're not Sirius!"

There was the sudden sound of footsteps down the stairs. The elevator opened with a ding, and someone was pounding insanely on the door. "REMUS, PLEASE FUCKING BE ALIVE!"

Remus nearly sobbed in relief as he opened the door. "Sirius!" He cried, throwing himself into the dark haired man.

"Remus…" Sirius sighed. He hugged the smaller man tightly. "You can let go now."

"I can't stand," Remus said sheepishly.

"Then I'll have to carry you." Sirius teased, lifting Remus off his feet and scooping one arm under his knees. He walked back over to the elevator and hit the down button.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm not letting you back in there until it's completely murderer proof." Sirius growled. "I know some guys who can rig this place in a few hours."

"Rig?" Remus laughed, raising an eyebrow. It was one of those situations where he could either laugh or cry, and he was emotionally up to crying.

"Cameras, security alarms, those cool red beams of light things. I'm talkin' the works, baby." Sirius said ambitiously while still carrying Remus into the elevator.

"You're going to put cameras in my shower?" Remus snorted.

"Two cameras in your shower…" Sirius said seriously.

"Pervert." Remus growled.

"No, really, did you ever see Psycho?" Sirius asked earnestly.

"No…" Remus said, giving Sirius his 'are-you-insane?' face.

"Crazy guy kills girl in shower. It's freaky!" Sirius chuckled. He carried Remus over to his car through the rain, and gently set him in the passenger seat, before running over to the driver's side.

"Do I look like a girl?" Remus said sarcastically.

"A little."

"Not funny!" Remus hissed. He looked out the window at the rain and shivered. "So were are we going?"

"Hermione's house."

"Your girlfriend?"

"It's a publicity thing hun." Sirius explained. "She's a sweetie. You can meet Ed at her place too."

"I called your house…and…uh…Ed picked up."

"Shit!" Sirius yelled, he jerked the steering wheel around the opposite direction and the car skidded dangerously across the road. Miraculously, they managed to stay on the road, and Sirius easily started to drive again. Remus was grasping the sides of the car so hard his knuckles were white.

"Trying to give me a heart attack!"

"I'm sorry, Rem, but we have to get Ed out of there now." Sirius said, eye not leaving the road.

"Why?"

"Long story short?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded. "Emily's going insane because Ed's not responding to the…treatment. Don't ask me what the fuck is going on, but it's bad and Ed shouldn't be at that house."

"And Paris?"

"I don't know where the hell he is." Sirius sighed.

Remus was starting to see that the Black family was a lot more screwed up then it seemed at first glance. He thought Sirius was messed up…he was obviously just the tip of the iceberg.


	8. save me

HIIIIIII WORLD…well I was going to be sick today as I do have a fever, but my crazy parents demand I go to school. This chapter is un betaed (thought I tried to edit my self….) because my beta hasn't e-mailed me back, so here is chapter 8.

I know it's pretty short, but I really like it, so addressing my reviewers.

YOU GUYS ALL ROCK AND I LUV U! And a special note to:

Kiera Le'Stiea-

1. Cool name!

2. no I don't mind if u print my story.

3. YAY! I'm actually good at something!

_I need, I feel, a love,_  
_You love to love the fear,  
I never want to be alone,  
I've forgotten to._

Remus starred blankly out the window, his amber eyes were clouded with remorse and doubt. As the tiny rain drops slithered across the glass of the window, they reminded Remus of little kids. Just a few of them zoomed through a perfect life. While most struggled miserably against the currents holding them away from sucess. And his mind drifted to his own childhood…He shivered.

Whenever Remus thought back to those days he got cold. He wrapped his arms around himself subconsciously, not noticing Sirius' questioning gaze toward him. Remus could only see flying objects, lamps, vases, bottles….shattering, blood spurting, and the shrill screams of a child. _Oh wait…that's me…That's how I used to scream. _He thought, remarkably detached from his own trauma.

If he wasn't detached from his past then Remus could not function. When he thought about his father and mother he lost contact with reality. He'd learnt years ago that at some point, some trauma's run to deep to be cured. So Remus did what any rebellious teen would. He ignored it. He ignored the trauma, and eventually it became habit for him. He hadn't spoken of his childhood in years…and then he'd only told his best friend, and even James only knew bits and pieces.

Remus looked back up at the grey sky, seeing his mother's eyes, staring down at him. Shuddering Remus forced himself to look back at the window. He looked around in those raindrops until he found himself. He was a tiny little speck of water, struggling violently against all the other drops.

_The road keeps moving clouds,  
The clouds become unreal,  
I guess I'll always be at home,  
Do you want me to try,  
Directing your night._

He was smarter then any of the other kids of course. But they were normal kids, with normal families. They were regular looking kids without spectacularly colored eyes and what some people would call an addicting personality, because people did become addicted to Remus.

Little water drop Remus, started to slip. It fell closer to the edge of the window, and Remus' eyes filled with tears for himself. The little dot of water struggled violently, but he was going down…not even half way done with his life. He would die, alone, in the rain. The blob slipped off and Remus maintained a level stare at the window, ignoring the pangs in his eyes to cry. _Goodbye…_

_An exit lights the sky,  
The sky becomes complete.  
Traveling hearts divide the throne,  
I've forgotten to. _

Sirius' eyes had shifted up to the rearview mirror, his blue eyes filled with worry for his…friend…lover…Categories didn't mater when it came to Remus. All that mattered was him. _Remus…why are you starring out the window like that…why are you crying! God…It's like dealing with a rock. _

Remus' amber eyes flickered up to meet Sirius'. Neither broke contact for a moment. Finally Remus reached over and switched on the heat. "I'm sorry." He said, his voice casually blank and carefully toneless.

"For what?" Sirius asked, a slight mournful tone in his voice. It was nearly impossible for Sirius to be aloof like Remus, to be blank and toneless. Sirius was passionate, loud, and volatile.

"I keep pushing you away," Remus said, his eyes drifted back out the window again.

Sirius just starred. Remus was smiling, it was mournful, macabre, and cruel….But never the less it was a smile. "What the fuck is wrong with you!"

That got Remus' attention.

"How can you just sit there and stare out the window, smiling! What the hell is so funny Remus! You almost died! YOU WOULD BE DEAD NOW!" Sirius screamed. Remus calmly reached over to turn on the radio, but Sirius' hand latched onto Remus' wrist.

"Sirius…" Remus glanced out Sirius' window nervously. "That car…."

"Fuck it,"

The car started to veer slightly off the road and Remus resisted Sirius' iron grip. "The car!"

"Tell me what's so funny." Sirius sneered.

"We're going to crash!"

"Then we both die in a fiery explosion, but you tell me what's so funny!" Sirius yelled.

"I…" Remus looked away, "I never could….never will….I just….You know when an asteroid hits the earth? Well…Sometimes the scars run to deep to be mended over time…so people ignore the trauma…and move on."

_Friction, lines, bumps,  
The highway song complete,  
The signs are all turning right,  
Do you want me to try,  
Directing your light,  
Want me to try,  
Directing your light.  
_

Sirius jerked the steering wheel so the car wasn't veering of the road anymore, never letting go of Remus' wrist. "I was hoping you'd cry or something." Sirius muttered.

"Why?" Remus asked, in the same slightly amused, mournful tone.

"You're scaring me." Sirius said simply. "You're speaking in metaphors about bloody comets and you won't show any emotion."

"I envy you, Sirius."

Sirius scoffed. "Yeah, I wish I was a psychotic maniac too, don't worry."

Remus shut his eyes and smiled. "See…You can always say how you feel…And by the way, a comet is a chunk of ice and rock, an asteroid is mostly made of iron."

"I'm starting to doubt how sane you are Rem." Sirius sighed.

"This isn't going to work." Remus remarked softly.  
"What?"

"This relationship…I'm your psychologist!" Remus' voice took on a slight edge of panic.

"Remus…Old men have been trying to change me using fancy words and electric shocks. It hasn't worked so far, so I suggest you try a new method with me." Sirius grinned at him. "Use your imagination."

"Sirius…I can't do it…" Remus sighed. "Look at me, I'm a mess. You…You bring back all these things I thought I'd forgotten."

"Maybe that's a good thing." Sirius remarked.

"How?" Remus sneered.

"How do you draw poison from a wound?"

"You suck it out." Remus said surly.

"Right…" Sirius murmured, nuzzling Remus' cheek with his nose. "If this works out…May I won't be the only one who's better…" Remus's eyes widened and he pushed Sirius' nose away gently, new thoughts swimming through his mind.

…_How can this help me! _ Remus screamed mentally. _If anything being with him makes the memories worse! _That other corner of his mind slithered in though. _And what about when you sleep next to him? You don't have bad dreams…You can finally feel safe. It's a catharsis, it always hurts to have the poison sucked out…especially when it's been there so long. But you decide…Is your pain worth redemption? _Remus smiled. _Yeah…a little bit of pains worth Sirius. _

_The purest forms of life,  
Our days are never coming back,  
The cannons of our time,  
Our days are never coming back,  
The purest forms of life,  
Our days are never coming back,  
The cannons of our time,  
Our days are never ever coming back.  
_

"Sirius?" Remus asked softly.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Sirius sighed.

"Pushing you away." Remus smiled at him. "But if you give me a big kiss, maybe I'll stop."

Sirius grinned and reached over, plating a chaste kiss on Remus' lips. "Don't want to get us in an accident."

Remus laughed. "Sure…" he snuggled closer to Sirius' seat, and rested his head on Sirius' arm. "Sirius…"

"Yeah?"

"Is this….real?"

"Mhum." Sirius nodded, and stroked Remus' hair gently. The younger man opened one eye to look up at him. "I'm not letting you go…not when I finally have you."

"Sirius you've known me for a month."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"No."

Sirius shook his head. "How about heaven on earth?"

"Siri….This relationship is hardly heaven." Remus said with a wiry smile.

"Yeah….Well, heaven is over rated anyways."

_Our days are never coming back,  
Our days are never coming back,  
Our days are never coming back._


	9. harder and harder to breathe

Alias III: NOOOOO, I'm 13 really! See I've got a birth certificate! I'm not some crazy thirty year old who wishes she were 13! Really! I'm just weird! Lols, but thank you for your critique and it is very much appreciate by me! However the funny part is I probably can't spell madam pomfrey….wow it'd make me look really dumb if I spelled that wrong.

….again just want to clear up something

Yes I am 13. I probably a good writer cause my dad helped me A LOT in sixth grade with my writing because before 6th grade I'd never actually had to write in school. Also I like to write so I do it often and practice makes better

Anyways….all my reviewers are great and I luv it when people leave me v. long critical reviews because it will help me….maybe….someday. so I lub u all!

The turbulent car ride continued almost silently. Sirius swerved of the road and up an exit ramp with a sigh. "Remus?"

"Yeah."

"Just wanted to say your name." Sirius said with a smile. He turned left and continued down the road which headed toward a large forest. Remus looked out at the passing highway, thinking of their previous argument. Sirius took a right turn, and they were in the midst of the forest.

"Lovely place for a house." Remus remarked at the tall foreboding trees. Sirius tired to laugh. It didn't work. "Siri?"

"You can't image how much I hate it here." Sirius said dully.

"No, really, I can imagine." Remus growled.

"Remus these are not my real parents. I feel no biological connection to them. I don't love them. In fact I hardly like them."

Remus had to agree with that. Despite his parents….vices….He loved them because he had to. They were his parents and he had to feel some connection to them, despite…the abuse. He hated to refer to it as abuse. In a physical sense it was abuse, but to Remus it was trauma, shock, hurt, anything but abuse. "Sirius….Did they hurt you?"

"Remus…." Sirius sighed. " I can't remember anything real. For all I know I grew up in a little shack. All I remember is….just laughing and smiling with my parents, all picture perfect memories…and now that I look back I can see they're all fake."

"What if they're real?" Remus asked, he rested his elbow on the door handle and his face on his hand.

"They're not." Sirius' tone left no room for arguing. "What I really want to know Remus is why you're so fucked up."

"I'm not!"

"Please, look at you. You can't sleep properly because you have nightmares, you're scared of people coming into your bedroom because it's the one place you feel safe." The older man stated, almost scientifically. "Naturally we, as a species, believe home to be the one place we're safe, but you were never safe at home, so you've replaced it with a small bedroom because you feel you don't deserve a whole house. You weren't good enough to have one as a child, why should you be good enough now? Isn't that what you think."

"You made that up." Remus said in a soft, hauntingly detached voice.

"It's an educated guess." Sirius confirmed.

Remus didn't speak for a minute "Well you're wrong." But his bright eyes contradicted the statement.

"You just proved I was right."

The amber eyed man, using his fine command of language, said nothing. He starred sullenly out the window again. Now they veered right, and drove past a huge sparkling gray lake.

Remus could imagine it in the spring…light blue and sparkling in the golden sun. In the spring the trees would be blooming with flowers, and the ground would be covered in soft mossy grass. It would be beautiful. "Sirius?"

"Hm."

"What does the lake look like in the Spring."

Sirius shrugged. "I never looked, you poof."

"Not a poof." Remus growled. "You've got to remember something about how it looked!"

"Yeah I remember, but I don't care."

"Is there anything you do care about!" Remus snarled angrily.

Sirius drove the car through a set of cast iron gates, and the car jostled along a cobble stone path up to the Black mansion. "Yeah….You."

Remus sat there stunned as the car parked. _Damn him! He always knows exactly what to say. _

Sirius got out of the car and slammed the door. Remus sighed and relaxed against the seat. The door flew open and satiny lips pressed against his cheek. Remus' heart skipped a beat before he realized it was Sirius kissing him.

Remus manevured his body so he was facing Sirius' face, causing Sirius' lips to slide over to Remus' own. Remus deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms subconsciously around Sirius' neck.

"Whatever you hear don't come in." Sirius warned breathlessly, he pulled away and started to trot through the rain. The older man suddenly turned around and, to Remus' delight, sprinted back to Remus and gave him another small, quick kiss. "Love you."

"Love you to." Remus whispered. He shut the car door, and sat alone in the car shaking. He wrapped his arms around himself and admired the multitude of flowers and shrubs in the Black's front yard. It was all well organized around the very long cobblestone drive.

Remus half crawled into the drivers seat so he could just barely glimpse the lake. _Wow…It'd be wonderful to come here in the spring…with Sirius…and food…_ He was jarred back to reality when he heard shrill screaming coming from the house, followed by Sirius' rough yell. Another voice added to the cacophony of screams, a younger male voice.

He heard the loud crash of something being thrown on the ground, like a couch or chair come from inside the house. Remus' mind was jerked back to his parents. He resisted the urge to curl into a little ball and think only about how yummy chocolate was. What sent Remus over the edge was a vase being thrown through one of the glass window, shattering violently. The vase went sailing through the air and hit the ground just a few feet away from the car.

"Sirius…" He whispered desperately. There was more screaming, through the shattered window, Remus could hear someone pounding over to the site of the broken window. He saw Emily's face peer out the window. The blood rushed from his face when she laid eyes on him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!"

Remus shuddered at Emily's scream. He couldn't hear the rest of the conversation. Half of his mind began to think she would come out with a gun and shoot his educated brains out all over the road.

Sirius flung open the door to the house and a smaller figure ran out of the house. Sirius turned and said something before slamming the door shut with a deep scowl etched onto his face.

The smaller figure opened one of the car door and practically jumed in. "Morning!"

"Ed?" Remus asked breathlessly.

"You don't look so good." Ed commented, leaning between the drivers and passengers seat. Sirius opened the door and fell gracelessly into the car. He slammed the door and drove away as fast as he could.

"Shut up Ed, stop bothering Remus." Sirius snarled.

"Someone's PMSing." Ed retorted. He leaned back for a moment, before insinuating himself between Remus and Sirius again. "So where're we goin'?"

"Mione's." Sirius said brusquely.

"Siri?" Remus asked quietly. "What happened?"

"I told her I was taking Ed. She said no, I screamed, she screamed. And le petite genius back there decided to scream to." Sirius snorted, with a gesture towards Ed.

"What was I supposed to do! The stupid bitch said she was only trying to be a good mother." Ed hissed. "She could be a good mother by not stealing Paris away!"

"You're very protective about Paris." Remus said carefully. _They don't look anything alike…_Remus thought as if a light bulb had suddenly flashed in his mind. _How can brothers look so different! _

"He's my brother." Ed shrugged.

"It's funny, cause you two don't look a thing alike." Remus said as though the words rolled of his tongue smoothly. In fact Re.

Ed tried to shrug again, but found it wasn't working this time. "I…I think he is."

"Think?" Remus asked.

"Ed doesn't remember." Sirius snapped. Remus stiffed and looked defensively out the window. Sirius winced, and shot Remus a forgiving look. Remus met Sirius' eyes in the rear view mirror and sent his lover a winning smile.

"That's not true!" Ed argured. "I remember some stuff….The bitch says I hit my head…"

"Do you remember hitting your head?" Remus asked gently.

"Doesn't matter." Ed shrugged. "God I'm just glad to get out of there!"

Sirius laughed. "It's a nut house alright." He paused thoughtfully. "Hey Rem, have you noticed that the Blacks don't have any girls. It's like they only adopt boys."

Remus frowned. _…That's odd…But…Regulus Black. Sirius said he was in love with the man who scared him…Riddle! Sirius is scared of a guy named Riddle. What if it was Riddle who killed Regulus…and what if Regulus did have something to do with the Black family. That would mean the Blacks….knew Riddle, unless Regulus' murder was just a tragic…accident. _

"Hey, ya know they say that lakes haunted." Ed commented as they drove past the sparkling gray lake.

"Who says that lakes haunted." Remus asked, snapping to attention.

"All the kids at school, the staff, all the older guys." Ed shrugged.

"Your brothers." Sirius growled.

"They're not my brothers." Ed snarled.

"Sirius, stop the car." Remus said in an emotionless voice. Sirius looked worriedly at Remus, but never the less he pulled over. "I want to see something." Remus slipped out of the car, and started to walk toward the lake. Ed and Sirius exchanged a glance.

"Stay in the car." Sirius commanded before hastily leaving the car and slamming the door. He stood there for a moment watching Remus.

Remus could hear the squelch of the wet grass beneath his shoes, but he didn't stop. He knew Sirius was trailing him quietly. Remus didn't mind the extra protection. He could feel something was wrong here. The crisp autumn wind ghosted over his neck and slithered down the back of his shirt. Shivers trailed up his spine and he wanted to stop and run back to the warmth and safety of the car. He walked towards the lake, arms out stretched.

For a moment Sirius was afraid Remus would walk into the lake, but Remus stopped just before the lake. Remus let his arms fall to his sides. The rain had all but stopped, however the lake still shone magnificently. He froze for a moment and his heart skipped beat.

There was a blast of cool air against his neck, it felt startling similar to a breath. He felt something cold and ridged, and yet supple and smooth wrap around his torso. Remus didn't breath for a moment. He couldn't move, all he could do was stretch his neck outwards, whimpering softly. At the corner of his eye he saw Sirius turn back tot he car, checking on Ed.

The breath ghosted down his spin again. "You can still run back to your car." It said haorsly.

Remus wanted to jump up and shriek, but this thing wouldn't let him. He managed to stretch out his arm, and tried to gesture to Sirius. Cold icy fingers interlaced themselves with Remus' outstretched fingers. "Lemme go!" Remus attempted to say forcefully, but instead it came out a whisper. He shivered violently.

"I'm only trying to save you." It smirked. "You know the deeper you dive, the harder it gets to breath." The icy presence slithered off Remus' skin. Remus heaved a sigh of relief and crossed his arms over his chest nervously. The presence had left his skin feeling like slime had just oozed over him.

Remus turned back to smile at Sirius when the icy hand had wrapped around his arm. Remus started to walk forward and was jerked back, for a second he teetered desperately over the edge of the lake bank. "SIRIUS!" Remus screamed. He caught the smallest glimpse of Sirius whipping his head around and the look of shook and the glimmer of anger in Sirius' eyes.

The next thing Remus knew he was submerged into the icy water. He lashed out at the hand on his arm, and kicked wildly. He reached up towards the surface, and saw Sirius' hand, groping for his. Remus thrashed against the water, and stretched out his fingers. The tips of the amber eyed man's fingers, brushed against Sirius' and Remus face light up.

Suddenly Remus was violently jerked away from Sirius' hand. "Sirius!" Remus screamed again. But he was rewarded with a mouth full of freezing water. He spat out the water and watched helplessly as the series of bubbles that had once been his scream float to the sun.

But it only amused the ghost, which laughed cruelly and dragged him down farther. Remus tried to fight back, but his legs were failing him, and his world was turning black. _Fade to black…._He thought with a touch of macabre humor. _Cause in the end….out world just fades to black. It's funny though because black is a dark color, so fading, which means getting lighter…It's a bit of a contradiction. Everything fades to completes blackness…_

Remus felt his feet lightly touch something solid. He looked down and saw the sandy bottom of the lake. As his feet touched it a blast of sand exploded from them, muddying the water.

"Don't worry." The ghost snickered. "These waters have been adulterated by far…dirtier things."

Remus shook his head and backed away from the ghost. He didn't quiet understand how he wasn't floating up to the top of the lake. But then he realized the ghosts' hands were clasped in a bruising grip around his wrists. Remus' amber eyes widened, his un-trustworthy mind throwing him back years ago.

_A thirteen year old Remus winced, and twisted his shoulders futiley against the hands latched his wrists. "Let me go!" _

_The man sitting on the large easy chair in front of him didn't move. His face showed no sign he'd even heard the words, save for the small twitch under his eye. The grip tightened and Remus glanced down at his throbbing wrists. He could almost see the bruises forming in a spectacular array of purples and black. _

"_I didn't do anything wrong!" Remus shouted again. He knew it was time to be quiet. Whenever his father's eye twitched it was always bad. _

_His father's brown eyes narrowed. Sometimes they were so warm and loving it took Remus by surprise how cold they could become. They looked like glaciers, dry, lifeless, cruel. "You should shut up now." _

"_No! I'm sick of you and this stupid house!" Remus shouted, violently twisted away from his father. "I don't have to do what you tell me to!" _

_The hand on his left wrist lifted and moved in a blur across the air. Remus felt cool relief flooding through his hand for only seconds before stinging pain slashed him across he face. _

_The hand whipped across his cheek and then it flew back to grip his wrist violently. Remus' neck snapped back wards and he gasped in pain. The boy knew he should stop. He had to stop or else his father would really hurt him, but he couldn't hold the out burst in anymore. "What the FUCK is wrong with you!" _

_Another slap. _

"_I'm your god damn son! How can you hit me!" Remus screamed. The large bruise now forming on his abused cheek didn't stop the furious flurry of words. "Other fathers don't hit their sons! Oh am I special?" Remus asked sarcastically. "Am I special cause I get to be hit by my daddy!" _

"_Tell me what you were doing." His father asked calmly, his anger was only betrayed through his eyes. _

"_Nothing!" Remus insisted. Oh god…He's going to kill me! But it wasn't my fault! _

"_You were doing nothing with that…that boy in that alley!" The grip tightened. Father Lupin got to his feet to stare at his sinner of a son. _

"_Nothing!" Remus insisted again. He was crying though. His father kicked his knees cruelly and Remus cried out in pain. He crumpled to the ground. His already abused knees hitting the wooden floorboards cause him to scream. _

"_Tell me….If you want to be forgiven for your sins you must confess." _

"_Fuck you!" Remus spat. _

_The grip tightened and Remus winced. "Speak." His father hissed. _

_Remus starred down at the floor. He felt so week, kneeling there, in front of his bastard father. His father held his wrist up in the air, forcing Remus to twist his arms around. An ugly sneer lit Remus' pretty face. His shoulder length hair curled around his shoulders and ear, falling into his eye. "We were making out, that's right you crazy son of a bitch! We were making out, and it was great." _

_His father slapped his cheek again. "You worthless slut." He spat. _

_Remus starred up at him in bland defiance. "Oh say it again Daddy! It makes me feel so good inside!" _

"_Whore!" His father hissed. He kicked Remus' legs in raw unbridled fury. "You don't deserve such a wonderful life! You don't even deserve to breath." _

_Remus knelt there panting for a moment, before meeting his father furious eyes, with his own bright amber "Fury is a sin, father." _

_Remus could only remember hours upon hours of pain after that. _

Remus' eyes were wide and blank. The amber eyed man, started to fall to his knees to the lake floor. He didn't notice a ghastly hand snake around his waist and pull him back up. "No!" Remus cried, hands pounding on the ghosts chest.

"Shush." It whispered. Remus struggled as it drew him closer. Remus wrapped on hand around the ghosts hand on his back to pull it away. The ghost seized its chance and with it's free hand grabbed the hand that pounded on his chest and drew it gently away from Remus' body lacing his long icy fingers through Remus. "If you let go of my body you won't be able to breath…You'll try to swim to your lover, but the sun is so far away is it not?"

Both turned to look up to the sun. Remus tried to draw back, but the ghost held onto him. "What do you want with me?"

"Come now, try and enjoy the moment." It teased. "Dancing on the floor of the lake, isn't it romantic?"

"Sirius!" Remus moaned.

"Oh yes…Don't worry. Twelve will get what's coming to him."

Remus foggy mind snapped into life. _The barcode! 66612! _He thought urgently. "You…How do you know about the barcode!"

"Ah…So you've found out?"

"What the hell did you do to him!" Remus screamed, thrashing wildly.

"The question is, how much more am I going to do to him?" The ghosts pale face was lit with an odd mellow manic smile. Remus kicked and screamed, and the ghost quickly pinned both of Remus' arms behind his back and dipped him to the ground.

Remus blushed at the closeness of the ghosts face. For the first time he could see it's features. The ghost's eyes were a piercing, bright emerald green. Its long black hair floated around his head in long, sleek waves. It looked almost like Harry, but older….and more sophisticated. "You…You're a ghost! How can you be the one who killed Regulus and Snape!"

It laughed, not warmly at all. It was a cruel, I-know-something-you-don't laughed. "Well, shall we say I have…Other forms. I chose this one for you. You're smart little boy. But the deeper you dive the harder it is to breathe."

It let him go, and Remus found himself gently floating to the top, he sighed and shut his eyes. Not really caring if he lived or died anymore. He didn't notice the golden chain fastened around his neck or the small key on it. Remus watched the sun, but it only seemed to run farther from him. _I don't deserve to breath. _As he thought it, Remus let out a sigh of relief. He could finally die without feeling guilty. As the lake faded to darkness around him, Remus smiled. _And it all fades to black. _


	10. cry for me

Marauder-girl:…actually I took a test online that said I had the I Q of an average 8-year old….sob thanks for ur review!

Hannio: muahahaha, u rock!

kimothy ….i didn't have a beta in chap one, so sorry 'bout dab grammer. I haaaaaaaaate grammer! But I do get a beta around….a few chapters later, so please read it to the end. Thanks though!

not-yet-written: oh yes, the plot thickens like old gravy! Get it? Gravy coagulates and gets thick and lumpy? Hahahah! Nice assumptions about the lake and the blacks house….muaahahah u shall later see if they are right.

dragonlady 44: Yes I luv system of a down with a hot fiery passion. During school I randomly scribble down the lyrics on my hand and school work….hahahah…..yeah my teachers think I crazy so it doesn't matter anyway.

KCEstel: well currently I'm in 8th grade choke, choke die die my friends at school suck majorly, cept for emma and raff! yeah….so I wasn't planning on Sirius and Remus having any past connections, but I dunno they might…muahaha.

FlamencoPenguin: YAY! A believer! Muahahah kill all non-believers….I didn't just say that out loud….lols. ahahah….I wasn't going to kill Remus….grabs him and chains him to the wall there! Now he can't get in any trouble!

On another note entirely my fave Teacher Virginia is back from maternity leave on the 28th yay! mini courses (whole month where we have no work) starts soon yay, taking math placement test for my new high school in april and have to study like crazy boo, and my friends are mostly being…unfriendly. boo. being 13 rocks/ sucks…not a skitzo. Sorry it took so long to update but I lazy, lols. oh and this chapter is unbetaed, sorry.

Warning: this will contain a few religious influences and stuff, so if religion stories bother you or you are extremely/ strictly religious I suggest you skip the extremely long dream sequence.

_Remus shivered, and clutched his arms tightly to his sides. He was cured up in a little ball, he eyes closed tightly. Something warm was draped over his body. Remus started to relax when he felt something jabbing dully into his lower back. He shifted his t position, but the thing wouldn't stop stabbing him!_

_One amber eye finally blinked and in seconds the other was wide as well. He was sitting in a gigantic room, with linulium floors and huge lines of people flooding out the doors. All kinds of people, old, young, blonde, brunette, English, Asian, Indian, and even…sheep were lined up. _

_Remus yawned and got to his feet, the warm blanket wrapped around himself. He started to push politey through the crowd, when suddenly something latched onto his shoulder. He whipped his had around and came face to face with a pair of plain brown eyes. Remus opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. The man guided Remus towards an orange booth. _

_Inside the booth was a man in an orange and black uniform. Remus stood there dumbly, he looked back at the man with the brown eyes, who nodded encouragingly. _

_"Name?" The man inside the booth asked, very bored. _

_"Uh…Remus Lupin." _

_"The Remus Lupin?" The man asked, large bronze eyes suddenly becoming interested. _

_"There's more then one?" Remus asked. _

_"Wow….jes I never thought I'd get to meet you!" The man exclaimed. "I'm Jack." He stepped out of the booth and shook Remus' hand excitedly. "Come this way please." _

_Remus followed Jack through the crowd to an elaborately carved door. "Where are we going?" Remus asked. The door closed with a thud behind Remus and a forboding sense of 'this is the end' washed over him. The room was plain with and the only object was a wooden desk, decorated with a computer, a phone, and rolling orange chair. _

_"Don't you know?" Jack asked. _

_"No." Remus growled. "Look I don't know what kind of prank this is, but-"_

_"Mr. Lupin….Remus. This is no prank. Do you know what the date is?" _

_"The first of December." Remus said instantly. _

_"WHAT!" Jack yelled. He plopped down on chair and typed frantically on the computer. "That can't be right!" _

_"What can't be right?" Remus asked in confusion. Jack's dark hair whipped around as he dashed over to Remus. _

_He grabbed Remus' shoulders and shook them violently. "You shouldn't be dead!" _

_"Of course not I'm still alive!" Remus yelled back. _

_"Then why are you here!" _

_"Where is here!" _

_The bronze eyed man froze and for a moment his eyes latched onto Remus' amber ones. "This is the world beyond life." Jack said slowly. "You're dead." _

_"No! That's not right!" Remus shouted. "I don't want to be dead!" _

_"But before….Before you said you would mind death!" Jack yelled back, he went back to the computer. "You definetly shouldn't be dead yet. God this is a horrible mistake!" Just as he said 'god' the phone started to ring._

_"You mean…this is heaven!" Remus asked. "How'd I die!" _

_"Actually this isn't heaven, this is where we decide whether you belong in heave or hell. And right now you died from suffocation, but you're supposed to die from blood loss!" Jack exclaimed. He picked up the phone. "Hello? No sir, sorry to disturb you, but we do have a large problem. No sir, it's not about the pizza, it's about Remus Lupin. No he's not attracted to Hermione, he's dead." Jack held the phone away from his ear as the other voice started to scream. _

"_Yes sir, I know. How he died? Currently it's suffocation. Yes I know that's wrong. He shouldn't be dead? I know he shouldn't be dead Sir! Yes, can I send him back?" _

_Remus started to pace around the room angrily. "I died! Fuck this, where the hell is Sirius!" _

_Jack slammed the phone back down on the receiver. "Bastard." He muttered darkly. _

_"Who was that?" Remus asked. _

_"God." _

_Remus shook his head. "look I won't ask, but basically I died when wasn't supposed to!" _

_"Basically yes." Jack stood up and walked past Remus toward the door. "Coming?" _

_Remus followed him out. Instead of the crowed room with the toll booths they were now in another plain white room with door on every avabile wall space side. Jack was now wearing a long white robe and his eyes had become very bright silver. His once shot black hair now trailed behind him on the floor. "What happened to you?" _

_"Oh, this is my real appearance." Jack explained. "See I'm an angel, all the angels work the toll booths, if we deem you worthy you get to go to heaven, if not you go to hell." _

_"So…What's hell really like?" Remus asked. _

_"Eh, not half bad. You just wait there until god gets to speak with you or your given a redemption." _

_"A redemption?" Remus asked. _

_"Yeah, a chance to redeem yourself and go to heaven." Jack explained. At Remus' puzzlement he laughed. "You'll get it someday, for now just follow me. I'm taking you back to life. You see you weren't supposed to die yet, it was a big mistake." _

_"Jack?" _

_"My names actually Godric." _

_"Oh." Remus said. He followed Godric through the door and now they were in a white hall way. "Am I going to hell because I'm gay?" _

_"No!" Godric growled. "You know a lot of the angels are bisexual! We're usually attracted to the ones we're assigned to guard." _

_"You're a guardian angel!" Remus asked stunned. _

_"Actually I'm your guardian angel. I was assigned to you when you turned fifteen. See you've always been meant for greatness, so it wouldn't work if you were a mentally fucked up pedophile. So I stayed with you to keep your head straight." Godric explained. _

_"Oh." Was all Remus could say. "So…When will I die?" _

_"After you've done what you're meant to." _

_"…What about Sirius?" _

_"After he's done what he's meant to." _

_Remus sighed. "This is insane." _

_"Welcome to organized religion." Godric grinned. "Now, when you wake up, you'll be at Hermione Granger's house." _

_"Aren't I dead?" _

_"Well yes, but Sirius is an idiot who's scared of hospitals and needles." Godric joked. "So he's taking you there. When you wake up, please don't tell him about us." Godric paused and started to laugh. "Sorry, I should warn you, this will have been a dream to you, all this heaven and hell stuff."_

_Godric came to a door with the words Remus J. Lupin printed on a brass plate nailed to the front. Remus looked from him to the door. "So this was all a dream?" _

_"If you want it to just be a dream, then that's all it is." Godric said kindly, before opening the door and gently pushing Remus towards it. "Good night sweet prince, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." _

"Remus please wake up!" Sirius moaned. "I'm sorry I'm a stupid idiot with personality disorders and that I can't drive very well." He clutched the unconscious body of Remus Lupin closer to himself. Sirius was sitting on the pillow of Hermione's bed, leaning on the back board with Remus' torso in his lap. Remus' head was nestled in his shoulder and his silky hair fell limply onto his chest. "Just wake up."

Remus opened his mouth to scream to Sirius, but found no sound came out, in fact he didn't even breathe. Remus was floated above his body, watching this heart wrenching scene, unable to help. _Sirius! _He screamed mentally. _I'm up here! Look up you dumbass! _He glanced around frantically. _Sirius please! _

"Remus…I need you." Sirius whispered in a raw torn voice. "I'm scared."

Remus suddenly found himself in his body gasping for air. He clutched Sirius arms with tight sharp hands trying to breath. Finally he managed to gasp something on the lines of 'Sirius!'

"Remus!" Sirius whimpered. He nearly started weeping as Remus started to cry. "What happened! I was so scared…when you didn't come up…."

Remus curled his legs into Sirius' lap and wrapped one arm behind Sirius' neck. "I had a really fucked up dream."

Sirius started to laugh. He was crying because he was laughing so hard and he held Remus tightly. The smaller man stopped crying and looked up into Sirius face with a look of pure anger and confusion. He face softened when he saw the deeply etched lines of worry in Sirius face and his puffy red eyes.

"You are so fucked up!" Remus chuckled weakly.

"I'd like you fuck you up." Sirius teased.

"Oh shut up you perv." Remus admonished. He smiled into Sirius' neck. "God Sirius." Suddenly he froze and his eyes widened. There was a cold spot on his chest, the kind of small spot you'd feel from a metal pandent Sirius could feel his lovers shoulders stiffen and the once liquid muscles straightened with ridged icy fear.

"Remus?" Sirius asked.

Remus started to shake as he reached one hand up to his heart. He groped his chest searching for the source of the cold. His hand latched around a small metal object, that felt like a key. He looked down at it and gasped. The tiny golden key hung around his neck from an equally delicate golden chain. The key was elaborately decorated with flowing patterns inked in black.

"Where did you get that?" Sirius said softly, running the pads of his fingers over the key.

Remus shook his head. "I…I found it at the bottom of the lake." Remus lied. He fought the voice that screamed to him not to lie to Sirius and looked up at Sirius with shining honest eyes. He'd learnt to lie from the best, his father. "I thought I'd lost it!"

"It's a nice key." Sirius remarked. "What do you think it opens?"

"Well….The lake is right next to your house….So what if it opens a door in your house?" Remus reasoned. "I mean, it makes sense."

"Yeah, but….Remus you are not going in that house." Sirius growled. "Bad things happen there."

"Like what?" Remus asked. He stretched out his legs and slid down so his head rested in Sirius' lap. Sirius long fingers subconsciously ran through his blonde waves.

"You know I'm scared of hospitals?" Sirius said blankly. "Ever since I was sixteen. It was a phobia, completely irrational…But I never went in a hospital. But you know what else I remember? I remember going back to Ireland when I was sixteen, we went over Christmas break. It was beautiful with all the snow, but I could never shake this feeling of unease."

"You said something about a man named Riddle?" Remus asked gently, he was careful not to push Sirius.

"Yeah….He worked at the orphanage. I was so scared of him. I was twenty two and I was scared of him! He was older then me. Much older, but he looked so young."

"Do you remember what he looked like?" Remus asked, his heart began to pound violently in his chest. _What if that guy in the lake…was…is…Riddle! _

"Not really…but it's funny cause the first face that comes to mind is Harry's. Cept Riddle looked more…sophisticated."

Remus' eye widened and he almost leapt of the bed, however he willed himself to relax. _Sirius would have a heart attack if I told him. I'll tell him when I'm sure. Riddle did something to Sirius…Riddle killed Snape and Regalus. _ "Does Ed remember Riddle?"

"He mentions a guy that reminds me of Riddle…Why?"

"No reason…I was just thinking that maybe he was the one who gave you the Paril. Maybe he works for the Black family. Do any of your other brothers remember Riddle?"

"We all remember the same guy." Sirius hissed. "Riddle…God I hate this!"

"What?"

"I….when ever I get scared I….I get angry and I can't think right." Sirius sighed. He twirled Remus' hair in his fingers and leaned back against the head board. "So Riddle is working for the Blacks…and he's the one they hire to do their dirty work."

"Or your parents do it themselves." Remus suggested.

"But where do they inject it? Where's there base!" Sirius nearly shouted.

"Maybe it's in Ireland." Remus shrugged.

"Yeah." Sirius agreed. They sat still for a moment before Sirius interrupted the silence. "Remus why the fuck are we playing detective! We're not involved in this, I don't really give about Regalus." Remus could tell it was a lie, but he didn't impose on Sirius' spotlight. "We can move to the states and leave all this behind. I don't care that much about remembering, or righting wrongs, I just want you."

"I know Sirius…And I would…But I think we're more involved in this then you think." Remus said softly. Both their minds drifted to the barcode on Sirius' back. "We've been branded, and whether we like it or not we're more tangled up in this shit then either of us can imagine. If we run they'll follow."

"Well it was worth a try." Sirius joked weakly.

Sirius sighed and gently laid his hand on Remus'. He waited for Remus to grab his hand or move up to kiss him, or something. Sirius' face fell as he realized Remus wouldn't recognize the symbol of affection. Sirius was about to move his hand when Remus' fingers deftly laced themselves with Sirius. Remus shut his eyes, and smiling squeezed Sirius' hand lightly. _I love you. _Remus thought.

From above him Sirius smiled as well. _I need you. _


	11. Slashy valentines day interlude!

A/N: HIIIII I was in the valentines mood, from my lovely today…yeah right I hate valentines day. So I channeled my hate and aggression into the little side story, it has v. little to do with Read Me and is a just a random side plot. The next chapter will be up in a few days, either tomorrow or Wednesday.

Warning: bad language, so if this bothers you then do be careful.

Remus woke up on the dreaded day of Monday. What made this Monday worse was that it was the Monday, it was February 14th. Of course this was not just any February 14th, it was the most dreaded horrible day of the year, VALENTINES DAY!

Of course this was an even worse day because Remus woke up alone. Sirius couldn't stay with him because he was going to…some weird city in the middle of no where to visit his dying aunt. Remus hardly slept without his Padfoot and had terrible dreams of flying pigs eating all his French toast and whipped cream.

Remus, normally a cheery morning person, rolled out of bed and onto the hard wooden floor with a thump. He gave a strangled yell before violently throwing the covers of himself, in the process knocking his phone on the floor.

He hiss and in his boxers sifted through his closet. Sadly Sirius had last done the laundry so it was mostly stained with whit patches. So Remus ended up wearing a white button down shirt and the only un stained pants which were a pair of low rise clubbing jeans. He could only pray that the Blacks wouldn't be in today. _That could be an awkward conversation. 'why yes Mrs. Black your sexually confused son did the laundry so I had nothing else to wear! I know he can't even be a proper gay who acts feminine!' _He thought miserably.

He opened the fridge door and nearly went into cardiac arrest. It turns out that flying pigs did in fact eat his French toast. Well perhaps not flying pigs, but someone did! "Sirius…." Remus hissed. He ended up eating a bowl of lucky charms shudder with chunky milk. "You know the chunky parts aren't that bad after you chew them up."

Remus left his house, miserable, hungry, and with very angry intestines. He unfortunately couldn't find his coat so he prayed it wouldn't be raining or to cold, after all they were having a warm streak.

He stepped out into pouring freezing rain. He gritted his teeth and ran as fast as he could to the Black Center. When he finally got there the sliding doors weren't working so he was forced to stand outside for fifteen minutes until the sleeping security heard him screaming and pounding on the glass and go up to manually open the door.

Remus stood at the front desk minutes later, shivering, dripping, and getting a lot of stares while Lily went on about the wonderful dinner James was planning for tonight. Of course Remus did have a boyfriend, but Sirius was away…in the middle of nowhere…with his bloody aunt! "Lily that's lovely, but I'M FREEZING!"

"Hm? What'd you say Remus darling? Look at these roses James bought me!" Lily giggled. Remus slammed his forehead with his palm exasperatedly. He saw hope when he saw Harry walking toward him.

"Harry!" Remus cried in glee. He quickly realized something was very wrong. Harry was walking blankly and his eyes were glazed over. He wasn't watching where he was going and quiet literally ran head first into a pillar. He stumbled back and shook his head before walking on. Harry had in his hand a bottle of windex, that he was spraying everywhere he went. "Er…harry?"

The boy stopped in front of Remus and green eyes met amber for a moment before Harry said. "Unclean, unclean." He sprayed the windex on Remus before blankly walking on.

Remus turned to look after the boy. "Sweet jesus…Harry? The messiest child on the face of the earth….holding windex? Isn't he allergic tow index!" Suddenly he saw James come running down the hall.

"Remus ol' buddy ol' pal, did you happen to see Harry?" James asked as he stood panting.

"He just waddled by." Remus dead panned. "With windex."

James nodded. "It's worse then we thought!" Remus elegantly raised one eyebrow in question. "See we sent him to the hypnotist so he'd be a little neater, but as you can see the poor boys went slightly off the deep end."

"Oh sweet Jesus." Remus moaned. "James I'm having an awful day-"

"Hm? Oh that's nice Remus, Harry come back! Put the windex down!" James hollered running after his son.

Remus stood there dripping and simmering when Dracy Malfoy came from down the hall, hugging himself whimpering. "Your boyfriend abandon you too?" Remus growled.

"…String theory." Draco murmured in a traumatized voice. "We're just ants in an ant box! And there's some crazy pervy giant man watching us…There are little people in the walls!" Draco shrieked throwing himself against Remus' chest. "There's a universe in every atom! And smaller thing then an atom!"

Remus patted Draco's shoulder sympathetically. "Ah yes, I remember when I first learnt about the string theory and quantum physics. Don't worry you adjust."

"It's so horrible!" Draco sobbed.

Remus sighed and carefully peeled the blonde of his shirt and walked back towards his office. _I'm in a crazy house! _ He thought sadly. He came into the waiting room and almost fainted on the spot. Sitting on the chair, biting his nails was Ronald Weasly. The Weasly's were a very inbred family who often had many nasty mental disorders, with Ron it was homophobia (it was a mild case, mostly misunderstanding of what a homosexual actually was, Ron confused homosexuals with terrorists.) and paranoia.

"Remus!" Ron gasped. "Oh I'm so glad to see you!"

"Hello Ron." Remus moaned. The only reason anyone put up with Ron was because he was the brother of Bill Weasly (brilliant scientist who was much loved by the blacks and their therapists).

In a matter of minutes Ron was on the lounge sobbing about how the teacher was going to touch him. Of course Ron didn't realize that Miss Hinkle wasn't a man so there was no need to be paranoid and homophobic. "And I'm so scared!"

"Ron….darling. Miss is the name for a woman…Miss Hinkle is a female." Remus explained kindly. Ron's eyes were huge with confusion and fear. "…She has a…a….uh….Vagina."

Ron shrieked and leapt from the chair. "YOU'RE GOING TO MOLEST ME! MOM SAID BAD MEN WOULD MOLEST ME! YOU'RE WORKING WITH HIM!"

"Ron Miss Hinkle is a woman!" Remus shouted. "I'm not going to molest you! Now sit down and stop being so paranoid!"

"They're coming to get me!" Ron shrieked. "The homosexuals are coming to bomb my house! I saw their website last night!"

"Ron that was a gay porn website! Homosexual men go on those websites!"

"AHHHHHH!" Ron screamed. He was running around the room wildly.

"Ron Homosexuals are men who are attracted to other men!" Remus screamed.

"They bomb people!"

"No Ron terrorists bomb people!" Remus hissed.

"Oh….terrorists?" Ron asked in a normal tone. He sat back down calmly. "Well that's interesting."

Remus sat there in shock as Ron started to babble on about how silly that mistake was. "So….er…Ron…are you feeling better?"

Suddenly there was a loud boom and an insane cackle that belonged to Draco. "HARRY!"

"DRACO!" Harry screamed back

"YOUR NOT CLEAN ANYMORE!"

"LETS GO AHEV SEX IN A CLOSET!"

Both Ron and Remus were silent for a moment before Ron promptly began to scream again and start throwing papers in the air. Remus sighed and just walked out of the room. He trudged into the waiting room and found another man sitting there. "Oh….Mr. Slytherin….What a nice surprise…." Remus forced a grin at the extremely attractive silver haired man in the chair.

"Call me Salazar."

"Right then…Salazar."

"Remus…." Salazar Slytherin's green eyes seemed to pierce his soul. "So wonderful to see you again."

Remus gritted his teeth. "Excuse me…I'll be right back." Remus ran out of the office as fast as he could and out into the pouring rain so he could scream. "YOU ARE A POMPUS BASTARD AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHOSE HOTTER THEN YOU ARE! YOU FAT POMPUS ASS BURN IN HELL YOU FRIGGIN PRICK!"

When he felt better Remus went back into the office. "Salazar my office is currently in use, but we can use Peters' he's not in today." Remus said politely, or he tried. Suddenly he noticed his white shirt was wet…and see through. If human's could be so angry they set on fire from the inside Remus' insides would have been molten. _Stupid sexually harassing bastard. _"Follow me…..please." The please was extremely forced.

As Remus walked he knew Salazar was starring at his ass. He clenched his teeth and gestured for Salazar to lay down on the lounge. Remus sat down on the couch and fidget, trying to cover as much of his body as possible. "Erm…."

"Lovely weather, for valentines day." Salazar remarked.

"Yes…wonderful." Remus agreed. "So how's your job going?"

"Oh I roll in cash every night, but I wish I had someone to share all my wealth with!" the silver haired man said dramatically clutching his hands to his heart.

"Mhum…So…I'm sure you could find a lovely lady to settle down with." Remus suggested.

"Ladies aren't really my cup of tea anymore." Salazar said, starring at Remus.

"Oh…Well…how are you with that?"

"I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. But I am so lonely." Salazar sighed and shot Remus a darting glance

"That's nice…Do you feel insecure that you don't have a girlfriend now?" Remus was so angry he thought he'd explode or scream, but his self control knew no boundaries.

"Not at all….I'm just waiting for the right man. You know Remus I've missed our talks so much!" Salazar exclaimed. He moved off the lounge and sauntered over to the couch. He sat down right next to Remus.

The amber eyed man scampered to the other side of the couch and drew his legs up to his knees, his feet protecting him from Salazar. "…You know I think you should move back to the lounge…Sometimes I motion sickness, might throw up on your lovely suit."

"Really you like it?" Salazar smirked. He inched closer.

"Er…." Remus started to fumble through his notes. "How's your dog!"

"Fine…he died last month." Salazar shrugged. "Have I mentioned I've been lonely?"

"Plenty." Remus nodded vigorously. "Okay…Oh look at the time."

"We still have half an hour." Salazar said with that haughty smirk that made Remus want to slap it off. But Remus' muscles were completely frozen.

"But….I have leukemia?" Remus mumbled.

"Oh Remus I only just realized how much I've missed your wonderfully acute sense of humor." Salazar chuckled. He was practically sitting on Remus' feet.

"Oh…thanks…I make sure I calculate the acute angles every night so it…uh…..acute? like the acute triangles….uh…." Remus stammered. He was bright red and Salazar was eating him up. He wanted to scream 'stop undressing me with your eyes!' but the words would have come out undress me your sexy eyes.

Salazar laughed. "Do you have a valentine this year?"

Remus stammered and almost turned purple.

"If it's not to personal of a question." Salazar added.

"How much more personal can you get!" Remus shouted.

"Well do you?"

Remus stammered for a moment before he felt his legs being gently pushed apart by Salazar's long fingers. Suddenly Salazar was sitting on top of him and kissing him. Remus sat there like a block of stone, bright red and shaking.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Salazar asked.

Remus hissed dangerously at him and slammed into Salazar's nose with the base of his palm. "I have a boyfriend you sicko! Now screw off!" Remus yelled before dashing out of the office.

Remus stormed down the hall and found Draco and Harry, covered in dirt arguing.

"Oh…Uh…Remus!" Harry stammered. "Draco you tell him!"

"You found it!" Draco hissed back.

"Well you set the bomb off in the first place." Harry growled. Draco grumbled darkly, but stepped forward.

"Erm…Well it looks like someone sent you uh…roses…but they kind of burnt to cinders when I set of the cherry bomb." Draco mumbled. He offered a single, medium well done, white note to Remus.

Remus took it shocked and saw written on it in quick ball point pent was,

_Dear Moony, my luv!_

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_Sugar is sweet_

_And I'd love to eat you!_

_I love you baby and when I get home I'll get reservations at Roys…wink _

Remus thought he might cry for a moment. _Sirius remembered me! _He glared at Harry and his lover. "That was the only Valentine I've ever gotten and you two idiots blew it up! YOU IDIOTS BLEW UP MY VANLNTINE! I've had a horrible day and nobodies given a flying fuck and I can see neither do you two!" Remus screamed. He stormed out of the black facility.

He walked shivering through the rain, tearing the note into little tiny pieces. He fought not to cry, but the tears streamed down his cheeks anyway. As the cars passed the slow moving man they splashed muddy water all over him. Two guys honked and yelled something rude.

Remus shook his head. _I cheated on Sirius! Oh god now he's going to leave me…_Remus' shoulders shook as he cried. Some pervert offered him a ride and a job. Remus screamed at him and slapped him.

Remus reached his apartment and slipped into the elevator. He miserably shook out his hair and unbuttoned his wet shirt which stuck like glue to his skin. It was the most uncomfortable feeling he'd ever felt, well…not the most, but it was not a good feeling.

He reached his little apartment and opened the door with a gasp. The lights were out but the entire room was lit with candles, big candles, small candles, and all different colors. There were roses everywhere and petals scattered on the floor. Remus noticed suddenly that no one was there. He sighed disappointed for a moment before something suddenly grabbed him.

Two arms wrapped tightly around his torso and hugged him tightly. Remus' heart skipped a beat, but when silky hair spilled onto his chest Remus laughed. "Sirius!"

"Moony!" Sirius smirked. He spun Remus around and kissed him passionately. Remus broke away and just looked at Sirius for a moment.

"Siri you actually came!" Remus almost cried. He hugged his Padfoot tightly. "God I thought you'd forgotten about me!"

"Never my love."

"God it was the most awful day ever!" Remus moaned.

"Well that's why I'm here to make you feel all better." Sirius murmured, nuzzling Remus' nose with his own.

"But Salazar kissed me!" Remus cried.

Sirius looked at Remus' anguished amber eyes and laughed. "Oh Moony my love, I'm glad to know your still the sexiest kitty on the block."

"Shut up you perv."

"Wanna go do dirty things and in your bed?" Sirius snickered.

Remus wrapped one leg around Sirius and let himself be dipped low to the floor, arms wrapped around Sirius' neck. Sirius one arm was holding up Remus from the small of his back and the other hand produced a red rose. "Oh yes, let's celebrate this holiday as it should be celebrated, hot passionate sex baby!"

And so the two lovers disturbed the neighbors all night with lustful yelling and banging. And of course the watching and mocking of sappy romantic movies while enjoying ice cream. To Remus it couldn't have been a better Valentines day.


	12. you love me in your own special way

Lunaris: Aw, you don't stupid at all! Hehehe you've made me feel much happier! Sorry about chapter 1-5..ahahahah….yeah anyway the lyrics belong to SYSTEM OF A DOWN whose album doesn't come out till April. I luv system of a down.

Remus and Sirius both fell asleep and fingers still entwined they slept through the day and into the night. Remus woke up in the morning to Sirius' snoring softly above him and the sun shining softly. Sirius' hair shimmered with red highlights. Remus chuckled and gently withdrew himself from Sirius' lap.

He slid to the edge of the bed and planted his feet firmly on the wooden floor. He ran a hand through his hair and started to stand, when something lashed out and wrapped around his wrist in a bruising grip.

Remus gasped in pain. The long fingers were pressed into the identical marks left by the ghost and his father before that. Tears streamed into the corners of his eyes as he was yanked roughly back onto the bed.

"Who gave you these bruises!" Sirius snarled. Remus found himself lying over Sirius' knees, his left knee pushed sharply into the younger man's back. He winced as Sirius' grip tightened on his wrist. Sirius other arm was pressed against his shoulder, keeping Remus down.

"Sirius!" Remus moaned. "Let go!" He squirmed around, fighting for his freedom, bur Sirius would have none of it. He not so gently threw Remus back against the bed and quickly crawled on top of him. Sirius' knees pressed into Remus' hips and his hands pressed Remus' wrists down.

"Remus…." Sirius warned. His hair spilled onto Remus' chest.

"Please Sirius you're hurting me!" Remus cried in a raw torn voice. Sirius' cold angry eyes quickly shifted at the tone. They swirled for a moment before settling on a worried very bright shade.

Sirius gently dipped his head down and pressed his lips gently against Remus'. They both knew Sirius did not apologize well. Besides, this was not a situation where apology was necessary. Sirius was only being a concerned lover, albeit a violently concerned lover. But it wasn't love unless someone threw something.

"Rem?" Sirius asked softly, his lips inches away from Remus'.

"I don't remember. I must have got them in the lake." Remus shrugged. "Sorry."

"Okay." Sirius sighed. He pulled back off Remus and settled himself on the younger man's chest. "Do you want to take a shower?"

Remus smiled. "That would be nice."

"Can I come?"

"Perv." Remus grumbled, pushing Sirius off himself good naturedly. He took a quick shower, and wrapped in a towel came back into the bedroom to see Sirius still lying on the bed. "Sirius you lazy ass." Remus teased, hands on hips.

"C'mon, I'm taking you shopping." Sirius yawned. He tossed a pair of jeans and a shirt at Remus. "Dress, fast."

"Are you insane?" Remus growled, slipping back into the bathroom. He hurriedly shoved himself in the over sized clothes. He scrambled out of the bathroom and found his shoes. He yawned and padded out into the hall and descended down the stairs. He saw Sirius waiting by the door, swinging the car keys on his finger.

Sirius turned towards the window on the side of the door and Remus grinned evilly. He sneaked up behind the taller man, and carefully wrapped his arms around Sirius head and covered his eyes. "Guess who?"

"Hm…" Sirius smirked. He was bending backwards a little so Remus could reach his face. Remus was on his tip toes. Sirius suddenly swung around, so Remus was completely swept off his feet and he tipped backwards.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' neck and waist, cradling his lover gently. Remus wrapped one leg behind Sirius, laughing. "Trying to scare me?"

Remus nipped playfully at Sirius lip. "Growl."

Sirius laughed and let Remus stand up on his own. "Come on love, I'm taking you shopping." He walked out of the house and Remus followed.

"Sirius you really don't have to go shopping for me!" Remus protested, chasing after his lover. A blush lit his cheeks.

Sirius stopped and laid a feather soft hand on his cheek. "You look stunning when you blush."

Remus blushed harder. "Quit it!" he slipped into the car next to Sirius. Sirius grinning slammed his door and turned on the car. He revved the engine before zooming off. Remus realized Hermione's house was closer to the shops then he realized. In a matter of minutes they were parked and Remus' eyes were wide. "Wow."

"Yeah, lot of shops huh?" Sirius sniggered. He grabbed Remus' wrist and dragged him away.

What followed were hours of arduous cloths trying on and fitting, and standing in front of mirrors being molested. Needless to say Remus was not having much fun. Of course Sirius was like a happy school girl, giggling at every opportunity and spending more money they Remus could count.

In fact Sirius even hired people to carry around the bags. Sirius bought shoes, shirts, pants, suits, jeans, coats, and jewelry, anything that crossed his mind! Sirius wasted no expense on his lover.

Finally Remus protested loudly as they walked down the street. Remus now garbed in a black sweater, every expensive jeans, boots and a knee length Armani coat. "Sirius! Please can we stop shopping! I'm hungry!"

Sirius sighed and placed his hands on his hips and sighed. "Fine, but just a small break."

Remus dragged Sirius into a little café and ordered for both him and his sullen lover. "Oh come on Sirius!"

"I love shopping for you." Sirius sighed. He reached out and grabbed Remus' hands, holding them tightly. "I love you." Sirius put his head down, dark raven locks obscuring his face.

"Love you to." Remus whispered. He leaned his head closer to Sirius and let their foreheads rest on each other. "Sirius…I'm sorry."

"For what?" Sirius asked.

"For…I didn't mean to…I'm sorry about making you remember." Remus sighed. "For getting you all wrapped up in this Parill stuff and for making you a part of this weird mystery."

"It's a thorn in my ass." Sirius agreed with a smile. "But every thorn has a rose."

"And where's the rose in our little tale?" Remus said softly with the barest hint of a smile.

Sirius' lips darted forward and playfully challenged Remus'. Remus blushed and kissed Sirius back. Remus drew back smiled, and planted a chaste kiss on Sirius lips. "You."

"Sirius I don't understand you." Remus chuckled.

"Well if you understood me, we clearly wouldn't be in love with each other." Sirius stated, as if it were the most logical thing in the world.

"Idiot." Remus murmured affectionately.

Sirius nodded and smiled. Their food came and Sirius practically force fed Remus. "We have to go to the music store!"

"Oh Sirius I hate your punk music!" Remus complained.

"Please?"

"How about we split up!" Remus suggested. "We'll meet back at the car in half an hour."

Sirius pouted and paid the bill. "Sure you won't change your mind?" Remus raised an eyebrow and smiled. "We can have sex in the back."

"No love," Remus said apologetically. "See you in a few minutes."

"Fine." Sirius huffed. He stalked away and Remus just stood there smirking. Five seconds later Sirius dashed back and gave Remus a quick kiss on the cheek. Remus smiled, shoved his hands in his pockets and waltzed off in the opposite direction. As he walked Remus reached up and gently touched the key that hung around his neck. _What does it open? _Remus thought. _A door in the Blacks Mansion? But….why would they need such an elaborate key? _

Remus stopped right in front of a small shop labeled keys. He took a deep breath and stepped inside. "Er….Hello?"

"Be right with you!" An older man yelled. He walked out of the back and smiled at Remus. Remus tried to smile back, but he was shaking inside. This shop made him nervous.

_What the hell is wrong with this key! _"Hello, My name's Remus Lupin and I was wondering if you could tell me anything about this key." Remus handed the man the key, trying to keep the trembling in his fingers masked.

The man looked at the key for a moment before announcing, "Solid gold."

Remus nodded. "Anything else?"  
"Well…its very, very well on in the back." The man said, he waved a hand and Remus glanced quickly towards the door before following him. The room in the back had keys all over the walls and for a moment Remus was overwhelmed. The man led Remus away from the room with keys into a musty wooden room with thick bookshelves. The stale smell of mold hung in the air.

The man carefully selected a book and flipped through it. He handed to Remus with a triumphant cry. "This is technically an Oreian key, see."

Remus looked at the page. On it was a picture of a small key, with saw like teeth, his key's teeth were rectangular. However this key also had the inked in designs on it. The designs were engraved into it. On the other page was an image of another small key, like the other one, but without the markings and the sawed teeth.

"We'd call this key a moonshine." The man began to explain. "You see it has those markings you see on the Oreian key, however it has the teeth of the diary key. This key has been made since the Roman Empire, however it can take years just to make one. You see the inked markings?"

Remus nodded.

"Well those are like the teeth of the key, those are essential to opening the lock the key fits to. The Oreian key is always associated with secrecy, corruption, and power. It is often worn by kings, most kings in the medieval ages had a set of keys which would open secret door, however only the richest most powerful had these keys. Look at the teeth!"

Remus looked at his little key and found on the rectangular teeth, there were extremely tiny saw like teeth.

"We call them moonshines because like they usually open doors to illegal substances, like moonshine. People use these types of keys instead of codes or passwords because it's practically impossible to pick the locks. You know the military uses these keys. They use them for labs and things like that."

Remus stood there shocked. _A lab…How did Ed and Paris get metallic eyes. It can't be natural! _Suddenly his mind drifted back to a Nazi Doctor he'd read about. The Doctor would inject substances into his subjects eyes to make hem blue. _What if…the Blacks did the same to Ed and Paris…What if they experimented on them! Medical experiments! Sirius is scared of Hospitals…_ "Well thanks for the help sir, but I have to leave."

"Be careful with that key." The man drawled in a smooth as chocolate voice that wrapped around Remus. Remus froze, before that man had a scratchy raw voice. Remus looked back in horror as the key makers face started to shift before it finally settled on the shape of Riddle's face. "Hello again."

"What the fuck do you want from me!" Remus yelled. "I'm not going to let you have Sirius!"

Riddle laughed. "Alright love. But in the mean time don't loose that key."

"Why did you tell me all that!" Remus hissed. "Why are you helping me!"

"Because, I have my own reasons. Shall we just say my employers have crossed a line?" Riddle smoothly turned his hips and waltzed past Remus. "I'll see you again, I'm sure."

Riddle walked out of the shop and Remus dashed after him. When the amber eyed man pushed out the door he looked around desperately, but Riddle was no where to be found. Remus looked back at the shop and suppressed a gasp.

It was a dusty empty shop…not a key shop. No one was there, it looked like no one had been for years. Remus backed away from it, eyes wide.

"Remus!" Sirius laughed. "Scared of the dusty shop?"

"Hahaha." Remus growled sarcastically. He walked along side Sirius on their way back to the car. _Dear God…well….I guess now its Godric, please let that have been real! The other option was that I imagined it and that would be even weirder! _"Where are we going now?"

"Well your house has been safely secured so we'll be heading over there." Sirius yawned. He slipped into the car, followed by Remus and drove away.

Little did either of them know, someone had been following theme, and they had a whole roll full of pictures.


	13. in the end

_He stood in the middle of the forest shivering. His soft golden waves glimmered with tiny snowflakes. The forest looked down at him angrily, it didn't want him there. He was an intruder in their land. It was so cold, and all the slender man wore was a white shirt and black pants. _

_He walked deeper into the forest, still quaking. He finally found the clearing. Blood drenched the ground in artful splatters. Painted on the tarp stretched through the trees were the words, 'Isn't Life Wonderfull?' _

_He averted his eyes and looked down on the body of Regalus Black. He knelt at the boy's side. Regalus Black was the picture of human innocence spoiled and tainted. There were two clean cuts on his sides where his heart and lungs had been removed. His eyes were closed and his skin was pale as death. _

_"Regalus…" He whispered, tracing the boy's cheek bones with his fingers. "Help me…Who did this to you?" _

_"Guess dumbass." A voice snarled. The blonde looked up suddenly to see Regalus Black, hovering in the air, one leg crossed over the other. His big green eyes were startling to look. _

_"Riddle?" _

_"Duh. I guess you don't know what happened do you?" Regalus growled. "Well I'll tell you. Sirius lived here as a child, he grew up in this shit hole. He went into the forest and Riddle attacked and branded him. Then Sirius was adopted. He came back again at sixteen, nobody really knows why, his parents say it was a vacation. When he was twenty two they brought him back here, claimed he was working here for a collage project. He taught me to play piano and he warned me about Riddle. Have you ever heard him play?" _

_"No." _

_"Well you should. He was amazing." Regalus sighed. "I don't know what the Blacks did to him…I don't know much about the brand either, it's a way of identification I know…But other then that…" _

_"Thank you Regalus..." He whispered. _

_"Whatever, just take care of yourself." Regalus warned._

_"What about Sirius? Doesn't Riddle want Sirius?" _

_Regalus raised an eyebrow. "Well I can't tell you straight cause I'm dead now and we can't give away the fates of the living, but I'll say this. Don't go in dark alleys alone…" And then he was gone. _

_The blonde sat there alone wondering. "Riddle wants Sirius…For the Blacks. Why should I be careful?" He shook his head and got to his feet, he began to walk out of the clearing and back into the snowy forest. _

_But suddenly the world around him began to shift and change. The sky started to spin as well as the trees around him. The forest blurred in white and browns and greens. Electric shades of purple and orange colored the scenery. Only he, on his little patch of snowy ground did not spin. _

_Eyes wide in wonderment he watched as his world changed and he could finally see a large lake forming where there had once been forest. He looked to the other side and saw the huge dark mansion of the Blacks. _

_He screamed and fell to his knees, grasping his head. Images bombarded his brain. Pictures of Sirius, Sirius smiling, screaming, winking, cursing, glaring, laughing. Then he saw Sirius in a big tube of glass, tubes connected to his naked body kept him breathing and alive. His body was cushioned with orange fluid. His hair billowed around him. He looked like a fallen angel. _

_The blonde shook his head violently when he saw little Paris screaming and crying as he was cuffed to a table, a needle inches from his eye, silver fluid dripped onto his eyes burning it. _

_And then he could see himself in one of those test tubes. His normally short hair was now floating around him in golden waves, his amber eyes were shut and a small frown graced his features. A body covered in waves stood there starring at him, chuckling cruelly. _

_It was Riddle. He leaned closer and pressed his cheek against the golden haired angel's tube. "Finally…All mine." _

Remus bolted up in dead shock. He looked around his room and found that Sirius wasn't there. He shook his head and fell back on the bed, clutching his white pillow. Hs eyes were still wide and his breath still came in pants. _That was just a dream... _He dismissed.

He slipped back to sleep, dreaming of Sirius. The dream turned into a nightmare of Sirius drowning in that lake, Sirius being slapped in that house. Remus moaned and rolled over. There are some evils he couldn't escape.

THE END

A/N: Surprised? Sorry, I just had to end it. Dun worry though, you'll find out what happens in the sequel, it'll be posted by tomorrow. It will be called, **'The Saddest Music in the World'.**

It starts up right after this one ends. It's the direct sequel. Sorry I ended it, but I feel like I need a bit of freedom from this one. So look for the sequel soon! I luv u all my reviewers, keep reviewing.


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